Romantic relationships are dynamic. They continuously change, reflecting circumstances, stresses, and the everyday ups and downs experienced by both partners. What happens to “me” and to “you” ultimately affects “us.” The healthiest relationships have partners who routinely (if subconsciously) check in with themselves, their partner, and their relationship to see how things are going and to make changes as necessary. You want to be with the love of your life forever, and he with you, so always make your marriage a top priority (as in every day!). Allah says:
وَيَا آدَمُ اسْكُنْ أَنتَ وَزَوْجُكَ الْجَنَّةَ فَكُلَا مِنْ حَيْثُ شِئْتُمَا وَلَا تَقْرَبَا هَٰذِهِ الشَّجَرَةَ فَتَكُونَا مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ
“O Adam, live with your wife in Paradise and eat from wherever you will but do not approach this tree, lest you be among the wrongdoers.” (Surah Al-A’raf 7:19)
Marriage is the ultimate bond between two partners. You made a vow to love one another for better or for worse, but sometimes things become strained. Perhaps you had a bad fight, you feel yourselves drifting apart, or you may have simply reached a point where you realize you need to improve the relationship. Islam promotes love, care, and respect in the Muslim society where wives and husbands live happily with their children and families. Allah says:
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ إِنَّا خَلَقْنَاكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ وَأُنثَىٰ وَجَعَلْنَاكُمْ شُعُوبًا وَقَبَائِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوا
“O mankind, verily, We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another.” (Surah Al-Hujurat 49:13)
Marriage serves the purpose of bringing two families together, encouraging reconciliation between them, protecting the rights of women and children Relationships require work and commitment to keep your love for one another strong, and marriage is no exception. With a little effort, some understanding, and a bit of patience, you and your spouse can improve your marriage and remember why you pledged your love to one another.
Here are some tips to build a perfect relationship with your spouse:
- Compliment your spouse at least once every day
- Text during the day just because you miss them
- Make it a point to decompress each evening
- Encourage your spouse’s dreams and goals
- Give your spouse alone time with their pals
- Support your spouse when things go right
- Always assume the best of your spouse
- Treat your spouse like your best friend
- Be conscious of your body language
- Be affectionate toward your spouse
- Be playful, even our life is stressful
- Be mindful when you’re together
- Bond with each other’s families
- Bond with each other’s friends
- Be honest, even when it’s hard
- Be generous with your partner
- Be financially responsible
- Speak well of each other
- Spend quality time together
- Teach each other something
- Share secrets with one another
- Don’t try to “fix” their problems
- Don’t try to win every argument
- Learn your spouse’s love language
- Don’t be uptight or overly sensitive
- Don’t stall on each other’s requests
- Don’t use your spouse as a therapist
- Find things you enjoy doing together
- Give your spouse a treat occasionally
- Stop comparing your marriage to others
- Accept that you’ll both have bratty moments
- Ask your spouse, “What do you need more of?”
- Laugh off a joke to show him that you’re a carefree
- Treat your spouse better than you treat anyone else
- Make a list of what you appreciate about your spouse
Make your bond unbreakable (and please your partner!) with these no-fail relationship rules. To be the best partner you can be, start by being kind to yourself. Scientific evidence is accumulating in support of the idea that self-compassion is a wonderful foundation for a healthy partnership. Self-compassion is a habit of gentleness towards oneself during times of failure, inadequacy, and imperfection. Allah says:
سُبْحَانَ الَّذِي خَلَقَ الْأَزْوَاجَ كُلَّهَا مِمَّا تُنبِتُ الْأَرْضُ وَمِنْ أَنفُسِهِمْ وَمِمَّا لَا يَعْلَمُونَ
“Exalted is He who created all pairs – from what the earth grows and from themselves and from that which they do not know.” (Surah Ya-Sin 36:36)
Reconnect and Strengthen Your Relationship:
- Listen to your spouse: Couples that have been together for a long time often take the things that are said for granted. Little things add up, and when your partner feels invalidated or unheard, that can lead to bigger trust and intimacy issues down the line.
- Address your partner’s needs: If your spouse is telling you what he or she wants from the relationship, you need to put in the effort to make it happen or work together to find a compromise.
- Solve the problems together: Work on solving the problem, either alone or together, but make sure you take your partner’s concerns seriously.
- Spend quality time with your spouse: Quality time is a time that you reserve unconditionally and completely for your spouse. No matter what happens, you should reserve this time for your spouse.
- Be open and honest with each other: Honesty is tremendously important in a relationship, especially if you’re married. You want to feel that you can trust your spouse, and you want your partner to feel the same way.
- Never lie to your partner: Even a small lie, like saying something doesn’t bother you when it secretly does, can eventually boil over into resentment and arguments.
- Compromise makes your relationship stronger: When you both set aside your needs, including your need to be right, you can work together as a team for the betterment of both partners.
- Never yell at your partner: Many people begin yelling without even realizing it. When you argue, your emotions may be running high, and you might feel very passionately about the thing you’re debating.
- Smile at your partner and act giggly: Use romantic body language, and mimic your partner’s body language. Stand facing one another, avoid crossing your arms, and lean in towards one another when you speak.
Allah Almighty said in the Quran:
- “And He has put between you affection and mercy.” (Quran, 30:21)
- “Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them.”(Quran 2:187)
- “and they have taken a strong pledge (Mithaqun Ghalithun) from you?” (Quran 4:21)
- “And of all things, We created two mates; perhaps you will remember.” (Quran, 51:49)
- “And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your nature.” (Surah Al Nahl 16:72)
- “And those who guard their chastity (i.e. private parts, from illegal sexual acts).” (Al-Muminun 23:5)
- “Marry those among you who are single and (marry) your slaves, male and female, that are righteous.” (Quran 24:32)
Marriage in Islam has been given great importance. If you know your spouse’s love languages, make a concerted effort to do one thing each day to speak your spouse’s love language. If his love language is words of affirmation, slip a note into his pocket before he leaves for work, or send him a text. The key to being a good partner is treating your relationship with the same respect and care that you treat your friendships with.
Underscores the power of behaviours in particular relationship satisfaction, liking, love, and commitment:
- Positivity: Express happiness and pleasure when spending time together
- Openness: Share what you need or want in the relationship
- Sharing tasks: Equitably share responsibilities
- Involve networks: Spend time with your partner’s friends and family
- Understanding: Listen, forgive, apologize, and refrain from judgment
- Self-disclosing: Share feelings and encourage your partner to do the same
- Giving assurance: Talk about the future; remind your partner what he/she means to you
Islam teaches the human being to be responsible for all his decisions and actions. In a successful marriage, one spouse is happy for the other’s successes. Good spouses foster the other in achieving goals. Sometimes goals, such as a career change, are scary and need to be carefully evaluated. Do work together. Allah says:
وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
The believers say: Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring joy to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” (Surah Al-Furqan 25:74)
You are who you are, and you don’t need to change for your spouse. Feeling uncomfortable in your skin sends a negative vibe and is likely to cause tension or awkwardness. You don’t have to be twins in every thought and emotion—having a different perspective sometimes is a good approach to keeping away from extremes. Allah says:
وَآتُوا النِّسَاءَ صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً فَإِن طِبْنَ لَكُمْ عَن شَيْءٍ مِّنْهُ نَفْسًا فَكُلُوهُ هَنِيئًا مَّرِيئًا
And give the women their dower graciously. But if they remit to you anything of it (on there) own, then eat it (in) satisfaction (and) ease.” (Surah an-Nisa 4:4 )
Marriage in Islam plays a major role in protecting a Muslim from the sins of adultery, masturbation, and homosexuality. Marriages often fail because of perceived differences in the level of contribution of each party. Try to appreciate the other person’s contributions, whether they are financial or emotional. Marriage isn’t easy. Building a strong marriage takes time, effort, and maturity. But it’s worth it.