Humankind is besieged with all sorts of conflicts. But instead of dealing with them through peaceful means, we are often faced with its Darwinian resolution – “The Might is Right” concept, that is, the powerful resort to force and impose their will on the weak. But while this mechanism may apply to others of God’s creation, it does not work for Homo Sapiens: Because we are endowed with a moral sense, which overshadows all our behaviour. This moral dilemma requires tackling the underlying problem adequately. Allah says:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
“And among Allah’s signs is this: that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, so that you might find rest in them, and He has set between you love and compassion. Truly there are signs in this for people who reflect.” (Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)
And unless it is tackled properly, the conflict persists: It does not go away and comes back in myriad forms, becoming ever more pernicious. This moral sense is strong in Islam. Islam means peace in all its forms and asks for justice in resolving all conflicts. So that the aggrieved party is satisfied with the result and being at peace works for peace with all concerned. Allah says:
وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
“And those who say, “Our Lord! Grant to us from our spouses and our offspring comfort (to) our eyes, and make us for the righteous a leader.” (Surah Al-Furqan 25:74)
There are always conflicts in a family. Even though families are bonded by blood, they’re still imperfect humans that make mistakes now and then. Things will be worse if we hurt our family members and end up conflicting with them. A family should be united under every circumstance. surround yourself with positive people who care about you and support you. Use your support systems to help solve any problems you are having with toxic family members. Allah says:
وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالْجَنبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالًا فَخُورًا
“And worship Allah And (do) not associate with Him anything, and to the (do) good, and with the relatives, and the orphans, and the needy and the neighbour (who is) near, and the neighbour (who is) farther away, and the companion by your side and the traveller and what possess[ed] your right hands. Indeed, Allah (does) not love (the one) who is [a] proud (and) [a] boastful.” (Surah an-Nisa, 4:36)
Islam also recognizes great diversity among human beings. We come from different backgrounds and traditions. This richness is a gift from our Creator. It is very much apparent within the worldwide Islamic community. We witness it in the United States where there are Muslims from all parts of the world – no other country possesses this plurality of Muslim community. However, despite this diversity, Muslims share a commonality of Islamic belief. Allah says:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا كُونُوا قَوَّامِينَ لِلَّهِ شُهَدَاءَ بِالْقِسْطِ وَلَا يَجْرِمَنَّكُمْ شَنَآنُ قَوْمٍ عَلَىٰ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا اعْدِلُوا هُوَ أَقْرَبُ لِلتَّقْوَىٰ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ
“O you who believe! Be steadfast for Allah (as) witnesses in justice, and let not prevent you hatred (of) a people [upon] that not you do justice. Be just it (is) nearer to [the] piety. And consciously revere Allah; indeed, Allah (is) All-Aware of what you do.” (Surah Al-Ma`idah 5:8)
How to Resolve Family Conflicts?
- Show respect to your spouse’s parents
- Avoid Living Too Close with Relatives
- Forgive Them for Their Wrongdoings
- Determine the reasons for conflict
- You are the doctor of your spouse
- Don’t Listen to Gossip or Rumors
- Build a new and happy world
- Get rid of the big mistake
- Save your marriage
- Accept Their Apology
- Discuss the Matters
- We are bound to be happy
- Seek Help from Allah SWT
- Find peace in truth and wisdom
- Ask Someone to Act as Mediator
- Tell them it’s haraam to cut off the ties
- Take care of yourself and know your limits
- First, think that you may have made a mistake
- Do not neglect your family when you focus on your job
- Marriage is the beginning of real love and the end of the cheating love
Solving the Conflicts in Marriage:
Conflicts may happen not only in the big family but also occur in marriage with only two persons involved. The problem between husband and wife should also be resolved too, for the couple to have a happy, long-lasting marriage. Dealing with marriage conflicts is pretty similar to how to deal with family conflicts in Islam. Here is the way to resolve them:
- Save the Marriage: Both husband and wife should evaluate themselves and face the problem with the same intention: to save the marriage. If two people are heading in the same direction, then conflict resolution will become easier. Think about each other and especially your children if you’re about to do something.
- A Marriage Should be Happy: All marriage is bound to be happy. Everyone should bear this in mind to avoid having divorce as the final solution to family conflicts. Nobody should go with their ego and think that they are right are the spouse is wrong. Not sacrificing, but two people should compromise each other to be happy.
- Think Again of the Reasons You Get Married: Whenever conflicts arise in a marriage, rethink the reasons why you choose to marry your partner. Life may be hard right now, and remembering the times when you are falling in love with each other will help you to think clearly.
- Do Everything for the Sake of the Children: If you already have kids, everything you do should be for the sake of your children. Don’t make them suffer from your ego. Decide on everything by thinking of them. Make your children happiness more important than yours.
- Know Your Spouse Better: Any problems would be solved when a person understand their spouse and is willing to understand them even better. Try to stand on their feet and see what you will do if it so.
“Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish.” (Al-Araf, 7:199)
Use your intuition and reason to decide how to respond to a toxic family member. Many psychologists believe that intuition is simply your past knowledge and experience coming out in a fast message; this definition of intuition can also be called: wisdom. Islam teaches us to use our reason and to gain wisdom from our life experiences. Allah says:
وَأَطِيعُوا اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَلَا تَنَازَعُوا فَتَفْشَلُوا وَتَذْهَبَ رِيحُكُمْ وَاصْبِرُوا إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ
“And obey Allah and His Messenger, and (do) not dispute lest you lose courage and (would) depart your strength, and be patient. Indeed, Allah (is) with the patient ones.” (Surah Al-Anfal, 8:46)
If you are not sure that what you are about to say to a toxic family member is “good”, then perhaps it’s best to keep silent. When a family member is angry or disrespectful, he/she is not in a state of mind to listen to reason anyway. If you are feeling angry, you may say something that you regret.
