Islam is the religion of peace where everyone has to be gentle towards others. The morality of Islam tells us to be kind, just and nice in attitude and behaviour. While speaking we should be gentle and kind similarly, our attitude when we are quiet should not be like those of proud people. In short, Muslims are told to be kind and gentle and not rude and proud like those of cougars. Allah says:
وَإِنِّي كُلَّمَا دَعَوْتُهُمْ لِتَغْفِرَ لَهُمْ جَعَلُوا أَصَابِعَهُمْ فِي آذَانِهِمْ وَاسْتَغْشَوْا ثِيَابَهُمْ وَأَصَرُّوا وَاسْتَكْبَرُوا اسْتِكْبَارًا
“Whenever I call them (to say) that You might forgive them, they stick their fingers in their ears. They (hide their faces and) wrap their clothes around them (in defiance). They grew obstinate and became (rude and insulting, and) increasingly arrogant.” (Surah Nuh 71:7)
Our beloved prophet Muhammad s.a.w.w never talked rudely to anyone, be it His enemy, even. Being followers of that great personality, we should also behave the same i.e kind and nice. The humble one is always a good listener. We may disagree on any matter with our brothers and sisters, but what we should not forget is the behaviour of a good Muslim. Allah says:
وَلَا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّيِّئَةُ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ
“And O prophet: goodness and evil are not equal. Repel evil with what is best. You will see that he with whom you had enmity, has become your closest friend.” (Surah Fussilat 41:34)
We should be soft and gentle towards even those who are not good to us. when we work on the formula of “tit for tat” we take revenge but we make that person our enemy forever. This is what we can see as a practice in some tribes that are still present in some parts of the world. They are enemies of each other for generations. Instead of forgiving, these people like to grow in enmity.
Below are some instructions that have been directly avoiding to Rudeness:
- Do not say a word to your parents
- Do not follow anyone blindly
- Do not ridicule one another
- Do not be rude in speech
- Do not engage in bribery
- Do not spy and backbite
- Do not become divided
- Do not break promises
- Do not be arrogant
- Do not be envious
- Restrain Anger
- Be good to others
- Protect orphans
- Honour your guests
- Speak to people mildly
- Speak to the needy kindly
- Stand out firmly for justice
- Forgive others for their mistakes
- Try for settlement between people
- There is no compulsion in religion
Rushing to condemn and criticize without looking for the appropriate moment usually leads to the opposite of the desired results. Humility and a gentle approach lifts barriers and remove aggression and hostility. Allah SWT says that the one who is rude and harsh, cannot make the people around him understand even his valid points. Such a person is never liked and he can never leave a good impression on the people he lives with. Allah says:
فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ اللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ الْقَلْبِ لَانفَضُّوا مِنْ حَوْلِكَ فَاعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَاسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِي الْأَمْرِ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ
“It was by a sort of mercy from God thou didst deal gently with them, for hadst thou been rough and rude of heart they had dispersed from around thee. But pardon them, and ask forgiveness for them, and take counsel with them in the affair. As for what thou hast resolved, rely upon God; verily, God loves those who do rely on.” (Surah Al-Imran 3:159)
A kind word opens the doors to people’s hearts and removes enmity from them, and tolerance, forgiveness, and sincerity restore love between people. When a person speaks a kind word and turns a blind eye to bad treatment, he earns people’s respect and makes the one who has done something bad apologize for his bad behaviour or stop persisting in it.
Allah Almighty says in the Quran:
- “And that there is not for man except that [good] for which he strives.” (Quran 53:39)
- “And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you.” (Quran 17:23)
- “There shall be no compulsion in [acceptance of] the religion. The right course has become clear from the wrong. So whoever disbelieves in Taghut and believes in Allah has grasped the most trustworthy handhold with no break in it. And Allah is Hearing and Knowing.” (Quran 2:256)
- “Who are stingy and enjoin upon [other] people stinginess and conceal what Allah has given them of His bounty – and We have prepared for the disbelievers a humiliating punishment.” (Quran 4:37)
- “Then he turned quickly to his household, brought out a roasted fattened calf, and placed it before them. He said: ‘Will you not eat?” (Quran 51:26)
- “And if two factions among the believers should fight, then make settlement between the two. But if one of them oppresses the other, then fight against the one that oppresses until it returns to the ordinance of Allah. And if it returns, then make settlement between them in justice and act justly. Indeed, Allah loves those who act justly.” (Quran 49:9)
- “Do you order the righteousness of the people and forget yourselves while you recite the Scripture? Then will you not reason?” (Quran 2:44)
- “Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish (i.e., don’t punish them).” (Surah al-A’raaf 7:199)
- “Indeed, We have revealed to you, [O Muhammad], the Book in truth so you may judge between the people by that which Allah has shown you. And do not be for the deceitful an advocate.” (Quran 4:105)
- “Or do they envy people for what Allah has given them of His bounty? But we had already given the family of Abraham the Scripture and wisdom and conferred upon them a great kingdom.” (Quran 4:54)
Undoubtedly some people may choose a way of dealing with people that they would not like to be dealt with, and they think that being tough and confrontational is what will make people respect them. When a person insists on persisting in sin and faces harsh criticism, he finds himself lost in a vicious circle of hatred and revenge, so he can no longer tell right from wrong or true from false. Allah says:
وَإِمَّا تُعْرِضَنَّ عَنْهُمُ ابْتِغَاءَ رَحْمَةٍ مِّن رَّبِّكَ تَرْجُوهَا فَقُل لَّهُمْ قَوْلًا مَّيْسُورًا
“And if you [must] turn away from the needy awaiting mercy from your Lord which you expect, then speak to them a gentle word.” (The Holy Quran 17:28)
Doing good and having the right belief go hand in hand in Islam. Doing good in practice is proof of having the right belief in the heart. This is why the Holy Quran speaks of true Muslims very often as “those who believe and do good deeds”. Both the Quran and the Holy Prophet have told Muslims that the best among them is that person who shows the best behaviour towards other people.
