Islam recognizes the family as a basic social unit. Along with the husband-wife relationship, the Parent-child relationship is the most important one. To maintain any social relationship both parties must have some clear-cut Rights as well as obligations. In the parent-child relationship, the Rights of parents are the obligations (duties) of the children. Every Muslim must show kindness and mercy to his parents throughout their lives. Children must show love, respect, and gratitude to their parents. Always speaks to parents gently and respectfully. Allah says:
قُلْ تَعَالَوْا أَتْلُ مَا حَرَّمَ رَبُّكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ ۖ أَلَّا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا ۖ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا
“Come, I will recite what your Lord has made sacred to you. He commands that you do not associate anything with Him and to be good to your parents.” (Surah Al-An’am 6:151)
Islam clearly defines the Rights of Parents (which means the duties of children). It is clear that after Allah parents are the persons who give us innumerable favours. They provide protection, food, and clothing to the newly born. The mother sacrifices her comforts and sleeps to provide comfort to her children. Our Parents as a team provided for all our needs: Physical, Educational, Psychological, and in many instances, Religious, Moral, and Spiritual. It becomes obligatory for us to show the utmost Kindness, Respect, and Obedience to our Parents. Allah says:
جَنَّاتُ عَدْنٍ يَدْخُلُونَهَا وَمَن صَلَحَ مِنْ آبَائِهِمْ وَأَزْوَاجِهِمْ وَذُرِّيَّاتِهِمْ وَالْمَلَائِكَةُ يَدْخُلُونَ عَلَيْهِم مِّن كُلِّ بَابٍ
“Gardens of Eden, they will enter them and whoever (were) righteous among their fathers and their spouses, and their offsprings. And the Angels will enter upon them from every gate,” (Surah Ar-Ra`d 13:23)
Your parents are not perfect. There are times they make you feel bad, and you might have even wished you had been born into a different family. However, remember that not all children had the privilege to be born and raised in a home. Some of them did not even have a glimpse of this world, because their parents did not give them a chance to live. They deserve to be loved and honoured in return.
Simple Ways to Show Love and Respect to Your Parents:
- If you disagree with them, don’t be rude about it
- Develop a positive attitude toward your parents
- Create positive thoughts about your parents
- Calm them down when they are angry
- The parent provides all your needs
- Make daily Du’a (prayer) for them
- Don’t bring up bad memories
- Do not bring up past issues
- Make them your priority
- Respect their decisions
- Do not break their trust
- Keep your tone low
- Be the best that you can be
- Do not laugh at their mistakes
- Involve them in family activities
- Serve them as much as you can
- Take time to ask how they are doing
- Do not do things that can upset them
- Respect their opinions and principles
- Be patient with them when they are old
- Appreciate every little thing they do for you
- You can never do enough to repay their debts
- Watch your language when you are with them
The status of parents in Islam is very high. We as Muslims should give respect and love to our parents. Parents are to be treated well at all times this is a virtuous kind of action in the sight of Almighty Allah. Parents and children in Islam are bonded together by mutual obligations. We must be good to our parents even if they are unbelievers and command us to commit sins. A Muslim child should respect and appreciate his or her parents daily. Allah says:
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا
“And has decreed your Lord, that (do) not worship except Him Alone and to the (be) good. Whether reach with you the old age one of them, or both of them, then (do) not say to both of them a word of disrespect and (do) not repel them, but speak to them a word noble.” (Surah Al-Isra` 17:23)
Be grateful to your parents. It is one of the cardinal principles of good manners and the acknowledgement of debt. One should be grateful to the parents for all the kindness, extraordinary love, and unparalleled sacrifices they undergo in bringing us up. The Almighty has decreed that when we render thanks to Him, we should express gratitude to our parents as well. Allah says:
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ
We have enjoined upon man care for his parents. His mother carried him in weakness upon weakness and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and your parents, to Me is the final destination.” (Surah Luqman 31:14)
The children must take great care not to react to what their parents have to say. If they say or do anything which is not liked or approved of by the children, then they must show patience and tolerance instead of giving vent to their anger. The children must scrupulously try to refrain from disobeying their parents.
We should apply the following advice:
- Never argue with them, nor blame them and if they err, show them politely their error
- Consult them in your affairs, and apologize to them if you fail to do so
- Respond to them quickly and with a smile and when they call you
- Never speak to them with a loud voice, and listen politely to them
- Obey your parents as long as no disobedience to Allah is involved
- Never frown at them, nor give them an angry look
- Honour them and guard their reputation and their property
- Do what pleases them, and help them out even without their asking for your help
- Speak politely to your parents and humble yourself before them and be kind to them, and never scold them nor express a word of disgust to them
- Treat with courtesy your parents’ friends and relatives during their life and life after their death
The Muslim should recognize the status of the parent and know his duties towards them. The status of parents in Islam is a status that mankind had not known before. Allah Has placed the respect for the parents just one step below the belief in Allah and true worship of Him. Obedience to our parents pleases the Lord because it is one way we show our parents and God that we love them.
Allah Almighty says in the Holy Quran:
- “And We have enjoined on man goodness to his parents.” (Al-Ankabut 29:8)
- “We have enjoined on the human beings to be kind to his parents. In pain did their mother bore them and in pain did she give them birth.” (Ahqaf 46:15)
- “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with my others of which you do not know, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly…” (Quran 31:15)
- “And serve Allah. Ascribe nothing as partner unto Him. (Show) Kindness unto parents… “ (Quran 4:36)
- “…No mother should be harmed through her child and no father through his child…” (Quran 2: 233)
Always pray for your parents, recalling their kindness and beg for their weal from The Almighty and His Mercies for them. Obedience pays off in the long run. If children obey their parents, life would be much better for the family. The parents would be pleased with their children and the children would probably stay out of trouble. Allah says:
وَإِذَا فَعَلُوا فَاحِشَةً قَالُوا وَجَدْنَا عَلَيْهَا آبَاءَنَا وَاللَّهُ أَمَرَنَا بِهَا قُلْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يَأْمُرُ بِالْفَحْشَاءِ أَتَقُولُونَ عَلَى اللَّهِ مَا لَا تَعْلَمُونَ
“And when they do immorality they say, “We found on it our forefathers and Allah (has) ordered us of it.” Say, “Indeed, Allah (does) not order immorality. Do you say about Allah what you (do) not know?” (Surah Al-A`raf 7:28)
Let us pray to Allah that we will do our best to respect our parents, honour them, be kind to them, help them, and please them for the love of Allah. O, Allah! Accept our humble prayers and make us obedient servants to you. O, Allah! Help us to be respectful children to our parents.
وَإِذَا قِيلَ لَهُمُ اتَّبِعُوا مَا أَنزَلَ اللَّهُ قَالُوا بَلْ نَتَّبِعُ مَا أَلْفَيْنَا عَلَيْهِ آبَاءَنَا أَوَلَوْ كَانَ آبَاؤُهُمْ لَا يَعْقِلُونَ شَيْئًا وَلَا يَهْتَدُونَ
“And when it is said to them, “Follow what has revealed Allah,” they said, “Nay we follow what we found [on it] our forefathers (following)”. Even though [were] their forefathers (did) not understand anything and nor were they guided?” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:170)
Parents should be served earnestly and with sincerity; always keeping in mind the unparalleled kindness and affection shown by them. It is the service of our parents that would lead to our redemption and earn for us The Almighty’s blessings. Parents are to be treated well at all times, and The Almighty’s blessings in having enabled you to do this virtuous act, be considered a great asset in this world as well as in the Hereafter. May Allah bless us all. Ameen.
