In Islam, one of the major parts of the life of a person is getting married. Both males and females are encouraged to get married in Islam at the earliest. The first and foremost important thing that can help both the partners in the relationship have a good and successful marital relationship is the guidance from understanding the Holy Quran. Both men and women need to take guidance from the Quran about the roles and duties they have to play in the relationship to make it a success. Allah says:
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا
“Men (males) are responsible for women (females) because of what Allah has given one over the other (in strength) and they (males) spend (for females maintenance) from their wealth. So righteous women are obedient (to Allah), guarding in (husband’s) absence what Allah wants them to guard. But for those (wives) from whom you obser5ve arrogance and refusal, admonish them; (if they persist), leave their beds; and (lastly), tap (percuss) them. But if they comply, seek no further means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.” (Surah an-Nisa 4:34)
Humans are created to pair with each other, and most people who had found their pair are going to marriage to reach the three conditions of the happy family: sakinah (peaceful), mawaddah (loving and hopeful), and warahmah (affectionate). If there is one fundamental need that exists in every single human relationship, it is the need to feel relevant and appreciated. And there is no other relationship where this need is as grossly overlooked and abused, as in marriage. Allah says:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
“And among His Signs (is) that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you love and mercy. Indeed, in that surely (are) Signs for a people who reflect.” (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)
Muslims view marriage as the foundation of society and family life. All Muslims are advised to marry, and the Prophet Muhammad once said that “marriage is half of faith.”
How to Have a Happy Marriage:
- Strengthen your relationship with Allah
- They love each other for Allah’s sake
- The comfort of each other’s eyes
- They are grateful for each other
- Avoiding all of the temptations
- Adding Islam norms and value
- Make each other bloom
- Respect and tolerance
- Be polite and wise
- Be communicative
- Spend time together
- Understand each other
- Learn to forgive each other
- Giving praise or compliment
- Communicate like best friends
- Understand and cover weakness
- The focus of each other’s primary needs
- Be thankful for anything that Allah Has Given
- Knowing the rights and obligations of each other
In Islam, marriages are formed to please Allah. The beauty of marriage lies between the spouses and Allah. With prayers and faith, anything is possible in life, Just as much as there’s beauty in marriage, there is a dark side too. A marriage is said to be successful when dark times are faced and overcome. Marriage is done to please Allah and it requires the act of worship and all the proper deeds in Islam to be able to make the marriage prosperous.
Your spouse has loved you for Allah’s sake every time they have:
- Stopped you from backbiting (about your friends, colleagues, in-laws (ahem))
- Helped you recognize and overcome the weaknesses of your inner self
- Helped you be more honest with yourself or with others
- Helped you forgive someone and overlook their faults
- Helped you become more generous or less extravagant
- Stopped you from harbouring suspicions or ill-will (about your boss or competitor or any other annoying person in your life)
- Helped you be more kind and gentle in your speech and manners (to helpers, waiters, labourers, siblings, elders, and children)
- Helped you fulfil people’s trust (by encouraging you to get to work on time and do the best at your job, to pay off your debts, to keep people’s secrets)
وَإِذْ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمْ لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ وَلَئِن كَفَرْتُمْ إِنَّ عَذَابِي لَشَدِيدٌ
“And when proclaimed your Lord, “If you are thankful, surely I will increase you; but if you are ungrateful indeed, My punishment (is) surely severe.” (Surah Ibrahim 14:7)
Hand-in-hand with feelings of love and faith, Islamic marriage has a practical aspect and is structured through legally enforceable rights and duties of both spouses. In an atmosphere of love and respect, these rights and duties provide a framework for the balance of family life and the personal fulfilment of both partners.
Here are a few things that could help:
- But essential for that is…not to criticize them and to make them feel uncomfortable.
- Remember, you’re not perfect yourself, even if your mother thinks you are.
- Put an effort into discovering your other half, without any prior judgment.
- Get to know your spouse as they are, not as you wish for them to be.
- To assist and support one another, and to resolve disputes amicably.
- To strive to be attractive to one’s spouse (both men and women)
- Most of those stories are more ‘fiction’ than Avatar.
- To be treated with honour, kindness, and patience.
- Do not define them by their shortcomings.
- Stop watching those romantic comedies.
- To enjoy intimate relations with each
- To have and raise children, by God’s
- To be faithful to the marriage bond.
- For providing you with a roof to live under/for making a home out of your house
- For buying your clothes to wear/for making sure you have clean clothes to wear every day
- For buying you the food you eat every day/for making delicious meals for you every day
- For being there to take you where you need to go/for being there to take care of the house when you’re away
- When people feel they’re constantly monitored and evaluated, they act very sloppy and awkward and could never blossom, showing their true beauty.
- Each person has their individuality, and if you accept them as they are, you may find someone very beautiful.
- For coming back home to you every evening/for being the person you can come home to every day
- To keep one’s legal and personal identity after marriage. Muslim women retain their family names, inheritance rights, property, mahr, etc.
Above all the most important thing that is required to keep the relationship healthy and strong is trust. Both husband and wife should trust each other in every regard. This trust should be present in every matter of life, whether it is reaching some decision, protection of property, honour or any kind. When this trust is present between the two, based on it they both can overcome any situation and enjoy a long and healthy relationship.
You and your spouse can start becoming grateful for each other right now by:
- Thanking each other for at least one thing every day:
- Exchanging a smile that says “thank you, you mean the world to me”
- Saying “thank you/jazak Allah khayr” every time your spouse does something for you
- Getting/doing small things for your spouse that you know they will love
- Writing down things about each other you’re grateful for in a journal and exchanging your journals regularly: journaling makes you reflect, realize and truly internalize what you’re thinking about.
- There’s nothing better than internalizing the gratitude you feel towards your spouse, and there’s nothing more heart-warming for them to read than what you’ve written from the depths of your heart!
وَأَنكِحُوا الْأَيَامَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ
“And marry the single among you and the righteous among your male slaves and your female slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty. And Allah (is) All-Encompassing, All-Knowing.” (Surah An-Nur 24:32)
Smile when you open the door to your tired husband, smile when you get to see your wife after a long day at work, smile at the mother/father of your child for giving you such a beautiful gift; let your smile be the last thing your spouse sees before they close their eyes to sleep. Smile because there’s no reason not to. Allah says:
وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
“And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” (Surah Al-Furqan 25:74)
Happy Muslim couples strive to be the comfort of each other’s eyes. They seek to be the answer to the dua that Allah has taught us to make. If husband and wife realize their duties and refrain from all that Islam instructs a person to refrain from and do what Islam instructs them to do, then there should be no doubt that the relationship will be a healthy one full of love.
