Tongue promote backbiting


The family is the nucleus of society and the first society in which we learn social etiquette principles and cooperation. The family is the centre of protection of national and moral traditions and in one word, for the protection of individuals. Hence, those who are deprived of family blessings will be exposed to doom. The absence of moral values will be the loss of cooperation and co-existence and finally the decadence of nations and human societies.

الْمُسْلِمُ مَنْ سَلِمَ النَّاسُ مِنْ لِسَانِهِ وَيَدِهِ وَالْمُؤْمِنُ مَنْ أَمِنَهُ النَّاسُ عَلَى دِمَائِهِمْ وَأَمْوَالِهِمْ

“The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe, and the believer is the one people trust with their lives and wealth.” (Sunan Al-Nasai 499)

A wrong decision taken by the head of the family can become the cause of great damage to the entire family. The great role of affection and understanding in marital life is forgotten. Not being aware of the effects of affectionate smiles and words, the young husband and wife lead the centre of a family towards a dark prison. Happiness and hope will change to stress and despair. Allah says:

وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَا إِن يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا

“And if you fear dissension between (the) two of then send an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family. If they both wish reconciliation, Allah will cause reconciliation between both of them. Indeed, Allah is All-Knower, All-Aware.” (Surah an-Nisa 4:35)

To deal with this matter, one should try to make the family a peaceful environment and parents should spend more time with one another and their children. In this way, parents can provide children with a safe and peaceful environment under their supervision, and the children will become kind and healthy parents of the future. Some parents due to their cultural, emotional financial inability are unable to perform their rightful duties. Allah says:

إِنَّكُمْ لَتَأْتُونَ الرِّجَالَ شَهْوَةً مِّن دُونِ النِّسَاءِ بَلْ أَنتُمْ قَوْمٌ مُّسْرِفُونَ

“Indeed, you approach the men lustfully instead of the women. Nay, you (are) a people (who) commit excesses.” (Surah Al-A`raf 7:81)

Family completes the life of individuals. The family is not the place to compete for either husband and wife or brother and sister. The family is the place where we can find someone to support and maintain a good environment. Islam is a miraculous way of life. It came as guidance for today and the hereafter.

We need to know some importance of family life as Muslims:

  1. Family finding opportunities to express ideas and creativity
  2. Family help participate in teamwork whenever possible
  3. Family help for those who can’t stand up for themselves
  4. Family treating others as one would like to be treated
  5. Family being modest in your relations with others
  6. Family discuss right and wrong traditional values
  7. Family spending time together outside playing
  8. Family and children will keep praying for you
  9. Family always strive to maintain the safety
  10. Family rewards us in Allah’s Paradise
  11. Family keep humiliating and glorious
  12. Family is the place for a compliment
  13. Family is the first place to develop
  14. Family get Allah’s Blessings
  15. Family loving Selflessly
  16. Family pursuing wisdom
  17. Family graph growing In grace
  18. Family communicating truthfully
  19. Family being honest with others
  20. Family treating everyone equally
  21. Family working hard for success
  22. Family adding value to the world
  23. Family making education a priority
  24. Family always doing your best work
  25. Family taking personal responsibility
  26. Family is proud of your achievements
  27. Family follow the guidelines of religion
  28. Family being open-minded to new things
  29. Family being generous with what you have
  30. Family listen since all opinions are important
  31. Family showing compassion to those in need
  32. Family of couples will help the union stronger
  33. Family sever relationships with disrespectful people
  34. Family being respectful and courteous in  interactions
  35. Family treat others’ possessions with care and respect

A family is the first environment we find to grow up and develop. It is the place where we seek knowledge and answers at first Family is the first place for us to learn from social etiquette principles and cooperation to how to socialize and manage things. Therefore, it is important to notice and maintain a good environment in the family. Allah says:

وَقَالَ لَهُمْ نَبِيُّهُمْ إِنَّ آيَةَ مُلْكِهِ أَن يَأْتِيَكُمُ التَّابُوتُ فِيهِ سَكِينَةٌ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَبَقِيَّةٌ مِّمَّا تَرَكَ آلُ مُوسَىٰ وَآلُ هَارُونَ تَحْمِلُهُ الْمَلَائِكَةُ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَةً لَّكُمْ إِن كُنتُم مُّؤْمِنِينَ

“A Sign of his authority is that there shall come to you the Ark of the covenant, with (an assurance) therein of security from your Lord, and the relics left by the family of Moses and the family of Aaron, carried by angels. In this is a symbol for you if ye indeed have faith.” (Surah Al-Baqara, 2:248)

Family values will determine what kind of people our children become, and what kind of contribution they ultimately make to society. In developing a set of values for your family, it is useful to first distinguish between values and virtues. Family creating a positive culture provides step-by-step instructions for writing a family’s mission statement – basically another term for a values list. It, too, provides sample questions to help you determine your family’s core values.

Allah Almighty says in The Holy Quran:

  • “O, my Lord! deliver me and my family from such things as they do!” (Ash-Shura,169)
  • “O, Noah! He is not of thy family: For his conduct is unrighteous. So ask not of Me that of which thou hast no knowledge! I give thee counsel, lest thou act like the ignorant!” (Surah Hud, 46)
  • “And of His sign is this: He created for you helpmates from yourselves that you might find rest in them and created between your love and mercy.” (Quran, 30:21)
  • “Allah did choose Adam and Noah, the family of Abraham, and the family of ‘Imran above all people.” (Surah Al-Imran, 33)
  • “He shall, therefore, prevent himself and his family from the disastrous consequences of choosing a wrong path.” (Quran, 66:6)
  • “But we saved him and his family, except his wife: she was of those who lagged.” (Surah Al-Araf, 83)

Marriage in Islam reflects our devotion (read more due to getting married fast). Our Prophet (peace and blessing of Allah may be upon him) said that we should realize that no matter how rich and prosperous we are, it meant nothing if we had no companion with whom we share anything. Everyone was born and destined to have at least one companion to spend the rest of life with. Allah says:

اذْهَبُوا بِقَمِيصِي هَٰذَا فَأَلْقُوهُ عَلَىٰ وَجْهِ أَبِي يَأْتِ بَصِيرًا وَأْتُونِي بِأَهْلِكُمْ أَجْمَعِينَ

“Go with this shirt of mine and cast it over (the) face (of) my father, he will regain sight. And bring to me your family all together.” (Surah Yusuf 12:93)

Both husband and wife should evaluate themselves and face the problem with the same intention: to save the marriage. If two people are heading in the same direction, then conflict resolution will become easier. Think about each other and especially your children if you’re about to do something. Allah says:

بَقِيَّتُ اللَّهِ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ إِن كُنتُم مُّؤْمِنِينَ وَمَا أَنَا عَلَيْكُم بِحَفِيظٍ

“(What) remains (from) Allah (is) best for you, if you are believers. And not I am over you a guardian.” (Surah Hud, 11:86 )

Respect, consideration, helpfulness, kindness, joyfulness, love, generosity, compassion, perseverance, thoughtfulness, courtesy and confidence are some virtues that can be integrated into the family values system.  These are family values that most parents aspire to and when integrated into family life can create peaceful, harmonious families. Allah says:

وَلْيَخْشَ الَّذِينَ لَوْ تَرَكُوا مِنْ خَلْفِهِمْ ذُرِّيَّةً ضِعَافًا خَافُوا عَلَيْهِمْ فَلْيَتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَلْيَقُولُوا قَوْلًا سَدِيدًا

“And let fear – those who, if they left behind offspring weak (and) they would have feared about them. So let them consciously revere Allah and let them speak words appropriately.” (Surah An-Nisa` 4:9)

Virtues such as these are the cornerstone of a just and peaceful world, and when families integrate these virtues into the everyday lives of their family they will create a set of family values that grow children who reach their full potential and make a powerful contribution to a peaceful society. Allah says:

وَنَادَىٰ نُوحٌ رَّبَّهُ فَقَالَ رَبِّ إِنَّ ابْنِي مِنْ أَهْلِي وَإِنَّ وَعْدَكَ الْحَقُّ وَأَنتَ أَحْكَمُ الْحَاكِمِينَ

“And Nuh called (to) his Lord and said, “O my Lord! Indeed, my son (is) of my family, and indeed, Your promise (is) true, and You (are) the Most Just (of) the judges.” (Surah Hud, 11:45)

Indeed, marriage and the family formed after that is part of faith. Marriage actually can complete our prayers because the prayers of those who are married are better compared to those who are not. We should remember that marriage and family should not be established only for the sake of sexual satisfaction.  As it is such a good deed filled with so many blessings from Allah! May we always stay grateful and awesome!