Islam is a religion that stresses the qualities of mercy, tolerance, and respect. God has ordained the good treatment of parents and warned us against treating them with disrespect. Islam, the way of life, encompasses all these qualities, and Muslims must strive to model this behaviour in all dealings, particularly in the relationship between parents and children. Allah says:
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ
“We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; but if they strive (to force) thee to join with Me anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not.” (Surah Al-‘Ankabut 29:8)
Islam builds a family which prevails mutual respect and care. Parents and children in Islam are bound together by mutual obligations and reciprocal arrangements. Unity, peace and obedience are essential in every family between children and their parents. In Islam, showing obedience to parents is the fastest way of earning blessings from them and Allah. Allah says:
قُلْ تَعَالَوْا أَتْلُ مَا حَرَّمَ رَبُّكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ ۖ أَلَّا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا ۖ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا
“Say: Come, I will recite what your Lord has made sacred to you. He commands that you do not associate anything with Him and to be good to your parents. ” (Surah Al-An’am 6:151)
Obeying parents is a direct commandment of Allah. The world obeys cannot be separated from the idea of honouring them. Honour your parents so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy life on earth. All religions and all societies have given parents an honourable status.
وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِن صَوْتِكَ إِنَّ أَنكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ
“And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys.” (Surah Luqman 31:19)
The child is obligated to care for the parents by displaying all the qualities of beer and knowing that the reward for this is with God. The Prophet Muhammad said, “If anyone possesses these three characteristics God will give him an easy death and bring him into His Paradise: gentleness towards the weak, affection towards parents, and kindness to slaves.” Allah says:
وَاسْتَغْفِرُوا رَبَّكُمْ ثُمَّ تُوبُوا إِلَيْهِ إِنَّ رَبِّي رَحِيمٌ وَدُودٌ
“And ask forgiveness (of) your Lord, then turn in repentance to Him. Indeed, my Lord (is) Most Merciful, Most Loving.” (Surah AHud 11:90)
Giving due respect and care to your parents is not only your religious duty but also your ethical obligation. They sacrifice a lot just to facilitate you with your requirements and so many other things in life. In all cases, the children must show love and gratitude to their parents. They must always speak to them gently and respectfully. They must try their best to make them happy, provided they do not disobey Allah in the process. Allah says:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
“And among His Signs (is) that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you love and mercy. Indeed, in that surely (are) Signs for a people who reflect.” (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)
The Muslim should recognize the status of the parent and know his duties towards them. The status of parents in Islam is a status that mankind had not known before. Parents care for and nurture their children their entire lives, but at one point this duty reverses, parents become old and feeble and in need of this care and nurturing themselves. Allah Has placed the respect for the parents just one step below the belief in Allah and true worship of Him.
Here are some significant ways of obedience to parents:
- Children must scrupulously try to refrain from disobeying
- Children should recognize the status of the parent
- Children far from showing signs of displeasure
- Children should know his duties towards them
- Children must show patience and tolerance
- Children must be kinder and more grateful
- Children must take great care not to react
- Children supporting them financially
- Children perform Hajj on their behalf
- Children must pray for them
- Children know their duties
- Children must take great care
- Children give a charity on their behalf
- Children always pray for their well being
- Children pray for them even after they die
- Children must be kinder and more grateful
- Children have the greater right of the mother
- Children being patient and tolerant with parents
- Children distribute Islamic Literature on their behalf
- Children build an institute a perpetual charity on their behalf
The Quran has made it compulsory for the child to treat his parents with all goodness and mercy. Every Muslim must show goodness and mercy to his parents throughout their lives. There is only one exception to this, and that is, if the parents ask their children to associate anything with Allah and to commit sins, then the children must not obey their parents.
Allah Almighty says in the Holy Quran:
- “And He (is) the Oft-Forgiving, the Most Loving.” (Quran 85:14)
- “What (is) for you, not you attribute to Allah grandeur?” (Quran 71:13)
- “We have enjoined on humankind kindness to parents.” (Quran 29:8 and 46:15)
- “And (remember) when We made a covenant with the children of Israel, (saying): Worship none save Allah (only) and be good to parents…” (Quran 2:83)
- “…No mother should be harmed through her child, and no father through his child…” (Quran 2: 233)
- “And serve Allah. Ascribe nothing as partner unto Him. (Show) Kindness unto parents… “ (Quran 4:36)
The children must take great care not to react to what their parents have to say. If they say or do anything which is not liked or approved of by the children, then they must show patience and tolerance instead of giving vent to their anger. Allah says:
وَحَنَانًا مِّن لَّدُنَّا وَزَكَاةً وَكَانَ تَقِيًّا
“And affection from Us and purity and he was consciously reverent.” (Surah Maryam 19:13)
The children must scrupulously try to refrain from disobeying their parents since the Prophet regarded
this as one of the grave sins. Far from showing signs of displeasure, the children must pray for them saying, as Allah teaches us in the verse (which means): Allah says:
وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا
“…My Lord and Sustainer! Be kind and have mercy on them as they cherished, nurtured and sustained me in childhood.” (Surah Al-Isra 17: 24)
The gentleness and affection between children and their parents teach us that mutual respect and love is a duty. A Muslim is obliged to show respect towards their parents even if they are non-Muslim, and the greatest love he can show towards them is to supplicate to God in hope that they will be guided to Islam. Allah says:
وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۖ وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا ۖ وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ
“If they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you do not know, then do not obey them but accompany them in this world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me.” (Surat Luqman 31:14-15)
Everyone makes mistakes, if parents do something bad that is against the religion or the wish of their children, it becomes the responsibility of the child to have patience and tolerance. Instead of venting out in anger, children must take great care not to react wrongly to what their parents have said or done. It is a great sin to dishonour parents. Allah says:
وَلَا تُؤْتُوا السُّفَهَاءَ أَمْوَالَكُمُ الَّتِي جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ قِيَامًا وَارْزُقُوهُمْ فِيهَا وَاكْسُوهُمْ وَقُولُوا لَهُمْ قَوْلًا مَّعْرُوفًا
“And (do) not give the foolish your wealth which Allah made for you a means of support (but) provide (for) them with it and clothe them and speak to them words (of) kindness.” (Surah An-Nisa` 4:5)
The children must be kinder and more grateful to their mothers since they took greater pains in their upbringing. That is why the Prophet emphasized that it is the mother who has the first claim on the child’s care and attention. We must continue praying for them even after they die. Such prayer will be regarded as a continuous charity as the Prophet, Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Salam, told us. Allah says:
وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يَشْرِي نَفْسَهُ ابْتِغَاءَ مَرْضَاتِ اللَّهِ وَاللَّهُ رَءُوفٌ بِالْعِبَادِ
“And of the people (is the one) who sells his self-seeking pleasure (of) Allah. And Allah (is) full of Kindness to His servants.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:207)
In families, mothers are the most important as they traditionally spend most of their time taking care of their children. Let us pray to Allah that we will do our best to respect our parents, honour them, be kind to them, help them, and please them for the love of Allah. O, Allah! Accept our humble prayers and make us obedient servants to you. O, Allah! Help us to be respectful children to our parents. Ameen.
