Mother is a career of future

Avoid Being Quarrelsome

Many of us face something similar several times in our lives……our families and loved ones arguing over something so trivial, our friends not talking to each other over the littlest of things, people shunning each other and staying angry, even years after the matter took place, to the extent that sometimes they don’t even remember why they are fighting! Allah says:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيرًا مِّنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ

“O you who believe! Avoid much of the assumption. Indeed, some assumption (is) sin. And (do) not a spy and (do) not backbite some of you (to) others. Would like one of you to eat (the) flesh (of) his brother, dead? Nay, you would hate it. you consciously revere (Allah) And fear Allah; indeed, Allah (is) Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.” (Surah Al-Hujurat 49:12)

And we all know people who may not be openly fighting and arguing, yet we know that there is some kind of either hostility or jealousy between them or even some kind of misunderstanding amongst themselves. The Noble Quran clearly states that man is naturally argumentative, despite the evidence, arguments, proofs, clear signs and varied examples that he sees. Allah Says:

وَلَقَدْ صَرَّفْنَا فِي هَٰذَا الْقُرْآنِ لِلنَّاسِ مِن كُلِّ مَثَلٍ وَكَانَ الْإِنسَانُ أَكْثَرَ شَيْءٍ جَدَلًا

“And certainly, We have explained in this the Quran for mankind of every example. But is the man (in) most things quarrelsome.” (Surah Al-Kahf 18:54)

What is required from us in such a situation is that we make peace between them for the sake of Allaah? And, noble, indeed is the act of making peace and reconciling between two arguing parties. It is superior to voluntary fasting and Sunnah and all prayer. Reconciling between disputing parties is a means of earning great rewards. Allaah says:

يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ قَدْ جَاءَتْكُم مَّوْعِظَةٌ مِّن رَّبِّكُمْ وَشِفَاءٌ لِّمَا فِي الصُّدُورِ وَهُدًى وَرَحْمَةٌ لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ

“O mankind! Verily has come to you instruction from your Lord, and a healing for what (is) in your breasts, and guidance and mercy for the believers.” (Surah Yunus 10:57)

However, while making peace between disputing parties, do remember that Islam has a particular methodology and approach to this issue. It is not a matter of simple “conflict resolution”. We cannot simply negotiate and compromise until we reach something agreeable to both of them because it may very well be unjust or not by Islaam. As Muslims, we add Allah into the equation.

Here are some Islamic habits of excellence avoid being Quarrelsome:

  1. Do not say a word of disrespect to your parents
  2. Do not despair of the mercy of Allah
  3. Avoiding arguments and disputes
  4. Forgive others for their mistakes
  5. Having Unrealistic expectations
  6. Do not follow anyone blindly
  7. Do not insult others’ deities
  8. Do not be rude in speech
  9. Do not engage in bribery
  10. Do not spy and backbite
  11. Do not burden a person
  12. Do not become divided
  13. Do not break promises
  14. Do not be envious
  15. Do not be arrogant
  16. Be good to others
  17. Stepping on his toes
  18. Speak to people mildly
  19. Settle for a partial victory
  20. Seek forgiveness of Allah
  21. Limit yourself to one word
  22. Stand out firmly for justice
  23. Stay away from corruption
  24. Walk on earth with humility
  25. Don’t push for the impossible
  26. A dispute is Part of Man’s Nature
  27. Try for settlement between people
  28. Judge with justice between people
  29. Stay away from sin and aggression
  30. Islam encourages you to dream big

When two Muslims or two groups of Muslims disagree or fight, it is upon us to call all of them to what Allah says in that matter. So, if you know anybody out there, arguing, not talking to one another, shunning each other, or simply having distrust and ill-feeling towards some other fellow Muslims. Allah says:

قَالَ فَاهْبِطْ مِنْهَا فَمَا يَكُونُ لَكَ أَن تَتَكَبَّرَ فِيهَا فَاخْرُجْ إِنَّكَ مِنَ الصَّاغِرِينَ

(Allah) said, “Then go down from it, for not it is for you that you be arrogant in it. So get out; indeed, you (are) of the disgraced ones.” (Surah Al-A’raf 7:13)

Go ahead and make peace between them. Do it for the sake of Allaah, remembering the reward and asking Him to accept it from you. Not only will it bring you immense reward and forgiveness from Him, but it will be one of the noblest things that you would do.

Allah Almighty says in The Holy Quran:

  • “Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the ignorant.” (Quran 7:199)
  • “And if someone is in hardship, then [let there be] postponement until [a time of] ease. But if you give [from your right as] charity, then it is better for you if you only knew.” (Quran 2:280)
  • “And indeed do the devils inspire their allies [among men] to dispute with you. And if you were to obey them, indeed, you would be associators [of others with Him].” (Quran 6:121)
  • “Who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship and who restrain anger and who pardon the people – and Allah loves the doers of good.” (Quran 3:134)
  • “They disputed by [using] falsehood to [attempt to] invalidate thereby the truth. So I seized them, and how [terrible] was My Penalty.” (Quran 40:5)
  • “And among them are those who listen to you, but We have placed over their hearts coverings, lest they understand it, and in their ears deafness. And if they should see every sign, they will not believe in it. Even when they come to you arguing with you, those who disbelieve say, “This is not but legends of the former peoples.”(Quran 6:25)
  • “They did not present the comparison except for [mere] argument. But, [in fact], they are a people prone to dispute.” (Quran 43:58)
  • “And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah].” (Quran 20:44)

Knowing that this sort of dispute is difficult for people to avoid, the Prophet (PBUH) assured those who abandon it that they would thereby receive a magnificent reward. As disputes that are based on falsehood or not based on evidence result in such previously-mentioned harms, the righteous warned against disputes and advised us to avoid them. The following are some reported citations in this regard. Allah says:

ادْعُ إِلَىٰ سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ وَجَادِلْهُم بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ هُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِمَن ضَلَّ عَن سَبِيلِهِ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِالْمُهْتَدِينَ

“Call to (the) way (of) your Lord with the wisdom and the instruction the good, and discuss with them in that which (is) best. Indeed, your Lord, He (is) most knowing of who has strayed from His way, And He (is) most knowing of the guided ones.” (Surah An-Nahl 16:125)

This is a great evil that few people manage to avoid. It is the habit of many in their speaking as well as in their sessions and forums. This sort of dispute is aroused by a person’s feeling of superiority and intelligence, and his attempts to deprecate the opinions of others. Allah says:

إِنَّمَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا بِاللَّهِ وَرَسُولِهِ ثُمَّ لَمْ يَرْتَابُوا وَجَاهَدُوا بِأَمْوَالِهِمْ وَأَنفُسِهِمْ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ أُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الصَّادِقُونَ

“Only the believers (are) those who believe in Allah and His Messenger, then (do) not doubt but strive with their wealth and their lives in (the) way (of) Allah. Those [they] (are) the truthful.” (Surah Al-Hujurat 49:15)

This is a sign of deviation. People who build their arguments upon falsehood expose themselves to the wrath of Allah The Exalted. O Allah, keep us away from the dispute and the disputant, and help us to be upright, and do not let our hearts deviate after You have guided us. Allah says:

وَمِنَ النَّاسِ مَن يُجَادِلُ فِي اللَّهِ بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَيَتَّبِعُ كُلَّ شَيْطَانٍ مَّرِيدٍ

“And among the mankind (is he) who disputes concerning Allah without the knowledge and follows every devil rebellious.” (Surah Al-Haj 22:3)

Remind yourself and them that a Muslim should avoid division and difference completely. Avoidance, hatred, rejection, and envy all destroy the Muslim community and render it vulnerable to all forms of fitna. If, however, someone does get into such situations of dispute, then they have a maximum of three days after which they should solve the dispute and end the bad feeling between them. May Allah remove all forms of enmity and ill feelings amongst us and enable us to love each other for His sake alone. Ameen.