Boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships.
Setting clear personal boundaries is the key to ensuring relationships are mutually respectful, supportive and caring. Boundaries are a measure of self-esteem. They set the limits for acceptable behavior from those around you, determining whether they feel able to put you down, make fun, or take advantage of your good nature.
There are many psychological studies on the idea of personal space. How close is too close? When is too much, just too much? The underlying truth is that, unfortunately, people who are manipulative, narcissistic, and have a poor sense of self, tend to be the repeat offenders in violating personal boundaries.
Boundaries include personal space zones, physical body boundaries, communication boundaries and emotional and social boundaries such as familial, marriage, friendship, workplace and authority relationships. Most life problems can be conceptualized as difficulty in developing or maintaining flexible boundaries which protect you: your self identity, your integrity, your feelings and needs, your goals and values, your sense of well-being.
Our emotional boundaries must be preserved because they are crucial to positive self identity and self-esteem. We must be able to differentiate our thoughts and feelings from those of others. Major problems arise when one person, especially a person in authority, tries to control, overpower or devalue another person’s thoughts or feelings. We have the right and responsibility to define our feelings and needs and determine how we want to communicate these to others.
Many types of negative influence harm emotional boundaries, including threats, abandonment, arbitrariness, or ridicule, as well as insistence on conformity or ignoring our needs. Derogatory humor is especially devastating to personal boundaries because it is concealed as “just joking.”Research has proven that people who feel connected to others live longer, healthier lives. Creating and maintaining healthy relationships is essential to our well-being, yet not always easy . . .
Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, made fun of, taken advantage of or sapped of our good nature and drained of our positivity, wisdom and support.
Establishing effective personal boundaries is not just for ensuring our physical space is respected or saying no when we think someone is taking advantage of us or walking all over over us.
Personal boundaries is also emotional! Energy that can be sapped by well meaning energy vampires, drains, negative Nancy’s and ruminators either online, in person or complete strangers that you feel compelled to help will erode your boundaries, leaving you feel exhausted and drained.
Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, made fun of, taken advantage of or sapped of our good nature and drained of our positivity, wisdom and support.
Sometimes we have to set boundaries with people, which can be hard to do (especially if you relate to being a people-pleaser).
Here are a few ways you can deal with them:
- Be strong
- Agree to disagree
- Don’t be a people pleaser
- Be true to yourself
- Learn to say no
- Keep them simple
- Stay calm at all times
- Compile a self-awareness inventory
- Be consistent with your new boundaries
- Be responsible for your own emotional reactions rather than blaming other people
We are all here to learn and grow so it’s natural to experience growing pains with people you care about. The key word here is growing not pain. Setting boundaries is part of growth.A boundary is an self-honoring agreement inside yourself or with another person that supports your well-being AND comes from love. When we tolerate hurtful or negative treatment from another, we end up building up resentment or eventually completely pull away. Having the courage to communicate our needs and set a boundary is more loving then pretending something is okay when it isn’t.
It’s important for all of us to have personal boundaries. They dictate how we approach relationships with friends and acquaintances. Our boundaries help us live in-tune with our desires, needs, and feelings. We can say no to the things that we don’t want to do and yes to the things that we want to do.
Dealing with someone who repeatedly violates your boundaries is about identifying your choices and trusting your instincts. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Setting boundaries sometimes means that others will be angry or offended by your choices and sometimes, you cannot continue to have them in your life.
Remember it’s understandable that sometimes you back down, feel tired or overwhelmed, and don’t follow through with your boundaries.Boundaries need to be especially clear and consistent when you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t respect you. Such a person is looking for holes in your boundaries and using them against you.
Clearly established boundaries help us to take care of ourselves emotionally, physically and spiritually. Our boundaries help us to become less concerned about how we are viewed and more satisfied with the perceptions we have of ourselves.Being loving is being real, authentic and courageous. It is all words of affirmation and rosy language. Consider what boundaries it may be time to set to grow yourself and your relationships.
