Wife beating anytime and for any reason is never allowed in Islam. A wife must recognize the authority of her husband in the house. He is the head of the household, and she is supposed to listen to him. But the husband should also use his authority with respect and kindness towards his wife. Allaah says:
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا
“[The] men (are) protectors of the women because Allah (has) bestowed some of them over others and because they spend from their wealth. So the righteous women (are) obedient, guarding in the unseen that which Allah (orders) them to guard. And those (from) whom you fear their ill-conduct then advise them, and forsake them in the bed and set forth to Then if they obey you then (do) not seek against them away. Indeed, Allah is Most High, Most Great.” (Surah Al-Nisa’ 4:34)
If there arises any disagreement or dispute among them, then it should be resolved peacefully. Spouses should seek the counsel of their elders and other respectable family members and friends to batch up the rift and solve the differences. Allaah says:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَن تَرِثُوا النِّسَاءَ كَرْهًا وَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذْهَبُوا بِبَعْضِ مَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّا أَن يَأْتِينَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ مُّبَيِّنَةٍ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰ أَن تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَيَجْعَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًا كَثِيرًا
“O you who believe[d]! Not (is) lawful for you that you inherit the women (by) force. And not you constraint them so that you may take a part (of) what you have given them except that they commit immorality open. And live with them in kindness. But if you dislike them, then perhaps that you dislike a thing and Allah placed in it much good.” (Surah Nisa 4:19)
The Quran urges husbands to treat their wives with kindness. [In the event of a family dispute, the Quran exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not to overlook her positive aspects]. The Quran explains that women have rights over their husbands, just as their husbands have rights over them. Allaah says:
وَالْمُطَلَّقَاتُ يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ ثَلَاثَةَ قُرُوءٍ وَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهُنَّ أَن يَكْتُمْنَ مَا خَلَقَ اللَّهُ فِي أَرْحَامِهِنَّ إِن كُنَّ يُؤْمِنَّ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ وَبُعُولَتُهُنَّ أَحَقُّ بِرَدِّهِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ إِنْ أَرَادُوا إِصْلَاحًا وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ وَاللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ
“And the women who shall wait concerning themselves (for) three monthly periods. And (it is) not lawful for them that they conceal what (has been) created (by) Allah in their wombs if they believe in Allah and the Day [the] Last. And their husbands (have) better right to take them back in that (period) if they wish (for) reconciliation. And for them (is the) like (of) that which (is) on them in a reasonable man and for the men over them (is) a degree. And Allah (is) All-Mighty, All-Wise.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:228)
The purpose behind this is not to hurt or humiliate the woman, rather it is intended to make her realize that she has transgressed against her husband’s rights and that her husband has the right to set her straight and discipline her. Muslim women are allowed to argue and disagree with their husbands. Allaah says:
Wife beating is not allowed in Islam in any case:
According to the Quran, the relationship between the husband and wife should be based on mutual love and kindness. Allah says:
أَلَمْ تَرَ كَيْفَ ضَرَبَ اللَّهُ مَثَلًا كَلِمَةً طَيِّبَةً كَشَجَرَةٍ طَيِّبَةٍ أَصْلُهَا ثَابِتٌ وَفَرْعُهَا فِي السَّمَاءِ
“Do not you see how Allah sets forth the example, a word good (is) like a tree good, its root (is) firm and its branches (are) in the sky?” (Surah Ibrahim 14:24)
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
“And among His Signs (is) that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you love and mercy. Indeed, in that surely (are) Signs for a people who reflect.” (Surah An-Nur 24:26)
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (Ar-Rum: 21)
وَإِنْ أَرَدتُّمُ اسْتِبْدَالَ زَوْجٍ مَّكَانَ زَوْجٍ وَآتَيْتُمْ إِحْدَاهُنَّ قِنطَارًا فَلَا تَأْخُذُوا مِنْهُ شَيْئًا أَتَأْخُذُونَهُ بُهْتَانًا وَإِثْمًا مُّبِينًا
“And if you intend replacing a wife (in) place (of) a wife and you have given one of the heaps (of gold) then (do) not take away from it anything. Would you take it (by) slander and a sin open?” (Surah An-Nisa` 4:20)
وَمَثَلُ كَلِمَةٍ خَبِيثَةٍ كَشَجَرَةٍ خَبِيثَةٍ اجْتُثَّتْ مِن فَوْقِ الْأَرْضِ مَا لَهَا مِن قَرَارٍ
“And (the) example (of) a word evil (is) like a tree evil, uprooted from the surface (of) the earth, not for it (is) any stability.” (Surah Ibrahim 14:26)
The Quran urges husbands to treat their wives with kindness. [In the event of a family dispute, the Quran exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not to overlook her positive aspects]. Allah Almighty says:
Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.” (an-Nisa: 19)
A wife must recognize the authority of her husband in the house. He is the head of the household, and she is supposed to listen to him. But the husband should also use his authority with respect and kindness towards his wife. If there arises any disagreement or dispute among them, then it should be resolved peacefully. Allaah says:
وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالْجَنبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالًا فَخُورًا
“And worship Allah And (do) not associate with Him anything, and to the (do) good, and with the relatives, and the orphans, and the needy and the neighbour (who is) near, and the neighbour (who is) farther away, and the companion by your side and the traveller and what possess[ed] your right hands. Indeed, Allah (does) not love (the one) who is [a] proud (and) [a] boastful.” (Surah An-Nisa 4:35)
Spouses should seek the counsel of their elders and other respectable family members and friends to batch up the rift and solve the differences. Abusive behaviour towards a woman is also forbidden because it contradicts the objectives of Islamic jurisprudence – specifically the preservation of life and reason, and the Quranic injunctions of righteousness and kind treatment. Allaah says:
الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ أُولَٰئِكَ مُبَرَّءُونَ مِمَّا يَقُولُونَ لَهُم مَّغْفِرَةٌ وَرِزْقٌ كَرِيمٌ
“And if you fear dissension between (the) two of then send an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family. If they both wish reconciliation, Allah will cause reconciliation between both of them. Indeed, Allah is All-Knower, All-Aware.” (Surah An-Nisa 4:35)
The Prophet’s wives used to do this often, and even when he was the caliph, ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab commented on this by saying it was their right to do so because they provide the benefits of child care, lawful intimacy and house care.
