Islam cares about childhood and Muslims regard children as gifts/trust from Allah (SWT). Children are naturally predisposed to be good and kind to their parents because Allah has put this natural disposition of affection and love between the parents and children. We must pay more attention to the best interests of the children. The child has the right to a good education and a stable environment in which to grow up. Allah says:
قَدْ خَسِرَ الَّذِينَ قَتَلُوا أَوْلَادَهُمْ سَفَهًا بِغَيْرِ عِلْمٍ وَحَرَّمُوا مَا رَزَقَهُمُ اللَّهُ افْتِرَاءً عَلَى اللَّهِ قَدْ ضَلُّوا وَمَا كَانُوا مُهْتَدِينَ
“Lost are those who slay their children, from folly, without knowledge, and forbid food which Allah hath provided for them, inventing (lies) against Allah. They have indeed gone astray and heeded no guidance.” (Surah Al-Anam, 6:140)
Parents should give their children a good upbringing and take care of them so that they will be in a good state in both religious and worldly affairs. Children are quick to imitate their parents with regard to reactions. As children enter the teenage years it is important for parents to understand the struggles that they face also to help us to understand why they seem to behave in such terrible ways at this age. Allah says:
إِنَّمَا أَمْوَالُكُمْ وَأَوْلَادُكُمْ فِتْنَةٌ وَاللَّهُ عِندَهُ أَجْرٌ عَظِيمٌ
“Only your wealth and your children (are) a trial, and Allah – with Him (is) a reward great.” (Surah At-Taghabun 64:15)
The child who receives respect and estimation will grow into a sober and respectable person. He always tries to maintain his reputation and refrain from doing anything wrong. He tries to keep doing good things to rise in the estimation of others. The child who is not treated by his parents with due respect tries to emulate them while dealing with others. A child is a man in miniature and like all men he loves himself. He will be displeased if he is not treated properly and with respect.
Here are some moral points on interacting with your Child:
- Love your children equally, but treat them uniquely
- Explain to your kids why values are important
- Build their sense of personality and character
- Promote the innate nature of telling the truth
- Respect your children and talk with manners
- Helping children to choose their role models
- Cuddling and kissing is a child’s soul-foods
- Attention should be paid to the child’s age
- Nurture of the child has a profound effect
- Be the role model your children deserve
- Make your children perform Ŝalāt
- Stay away from bossy behaviour
- Don’t clip your child’s wings
- Foster the faith of your child
- Pray for your children
- Never leave children alone
- Kiss your children a great deal
- Don’t lie to him, or do silly things
- Do not hit your child when they cry
- Don’t expect that which is hard for him
- Teaching children knowledge of the Quran
- Do not order or forbid your child too much
- Talk about what it means to be a good person
- Children need to be taught that characteristics
- Truth and righteousness should prevail in the stories
- Do not use fear as a causes damage to their personality
- Teach your children skills that lead to earning only Halal
- Reproach the bad and encourage the child’s good actions
- Do not ridicule the actions of your child, nor call them silly
- Show them patience and understanding when they struggle
Childhood is a period that makes him easily imitate or follow the behaviour of someone that is near to him. So, as his parents, we need to see and arrange his society at school or home when he is always disobedient. Islam gives all attention to the need for showing respect to the children. The Prophet always, and everywhere, used to treat children with affection and respect. The Prophet of Islam has said:
“Respect your children and give them good training so that Allah rewards you.”
It is good for the family if there is a rule that ties and arranges the family for doing something. We can make a rule such as giving a present for the good attitude and punishment for the bad attitude. As a parent, we must provide our children with educational entertainment. Entertainment is good for the child because he can relax and enjoy something so we should always provide it with a sufficient amount.
Allah Almighty says, how to treat children according to the Quran:
- “…and bear with patience whatever befalls you…” (Quran 31:17)
- “and declares hardness as a detestable characteristic.” (Surah Al-Imran, 3:159)
- “Allah commands you as regards your children’s (inheritance)…” (Surah An-Nisa 4:11)
- “Mothers should feed their children for two whole years (that is) for those who wish to complete the suckling term, the cost of their food and clothing on equitable terms is upon the father of the child.” (Al-Baqarah 2:233)
- “O, my Lord! How shall I have a son when no man hath touched me?” He said: “Even so: Allah createth what He willeth: When He hath decreed a plan, He but saith to it, ‘Be,’ and it is! (Surah Al-Imran, 47)
- “Your parents and your children, you know not which of them is the nearer to you in usefulness; this is an ordinance from Allah: Surely Allah is Knowing, Wise.” (Quran 4:11)
Children are joys of life as well as sources of pride, seeds of arrogance, the cause of distress and allurement. Therefore, we need to be very focused and careful about their upbringing. Children are dependent on their parents and Islam clearly emphasized their responsibility for forming the child’s personality. Islam pays particular attention to upbringing children in a proper manner.
As teachers and parents, we follow certain principles in our roles:
Remember that discipline is not punishment: Enforcing limits is really about teaching kids how to behave in the world and helping them to become competent, caring, and in control.
- Don’t try to fix everything: Give young kids a chance to find their own solutions, you teach them self-reliance and resilience.
- Read books together every day: Cuddling up with your child and a book is a great bonding experience that will set him up for a lifetime of reading.
- Schedule daily special time: Let your child choose an activity where you hang out together. There’s no better way for you to show your love.
- Fess up when you blow it: This is the best way to show your child how and when he should apologize.
- Give appropriate praise: Instead of simply saying, “You’re great,” try to be specific about what your child did to deserve the positive feedback.
- Avoid making assumptions. Instead, ask questions if you don’t know. If you’re well-meaning, most people with special needs are happy to fill you in.
- Show your child how to become a responsible citizen: Find ways to help others all year. Kids gain a sense of self-worth by volunteering in the community.
- Don’t accept disrespect from your child: Never allow her to be rude or say hurtful things to you or anyone else. If he does, tell her firmly that you will not tolerate any form of disrespect. Allah says:
“O you, who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones…” (Quran, 66:6)
Teach your children to boost their awareness and share their knowledge with others. Selfishness represents a self-destructive trait and won’t bring value to society or to your child’s personal growth and development while teaching other people how to improve and accomplish things in life definitely will. Muslims turn to the Holy Quran for guidance in all matters of life. Allah says:
وَإِذْ قَالَ لُقْمَانُ لِابْنِهِ وَهُوَ يَعِظُهُ يَا بُنَيَّ لَا تُشْرِكْ بِاللَّهِ إِنَّ الشِّرْكَ لَظُلْمٌ عَظِيمٌ
“…O my son! Join not in worship others with God. Verily! Joining others in worship with God is a great wrong indeed.” (Quran 31:13)
We need to communicate with our children. Talk about what they did right, what they did wrong, how to make better moral decisions, what character traits God wants to see in us, and why you’ve made certain choices in your own life. Granted, it takes time to have these kinds of conversations, but you’ll find the results worth the investment. Allah says:
وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَاتَّبَعَتْهُمْ ذُرِّيَّتُهُم بِإِيمَانٍ أَلْحَقْنَا بِهِمْ ذُرِّيَّتَهُمْ وَمَا أَلَتْنَاهُم مِّنْ عَمَلِهِم مِّن شَيْءٍ كُلُّ امْرِئٍ بِمَا كَسَبَ رَهِينٌ
“And those who believed and whose descendants followed them in faith – We will join with them their descendants, and We will not deprive them of anything of their deeds. Every person, for what he earned, is retained…” (Surah At-Tur 52:21)
The respect that parents impart to their children will help them to become respectable, responsible, kind, friendly, obedient, patient, humble and honourable children and human beings for their entire life. Present yourself as a role model by reciting the Quran regularly; this will encourage children to adopt this habit. It will be beneficial to them and will be a sadqa-e-Jaria for you.