In order to make ourselves feel better about the way we look/act/talk etc., we feel the need to put others down and talk badly about them. Usually, gossip starts up when you have nothing productive to do with your time. Most of the time, we get dragged into gossip, or conversations that lead to gossip. It’s important to know how to get ourselves out of this situation, or what to do in such situations. Allah is saying that backbiting is equal to cannibalism. Allah says:
لَّقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِّمَن كَانَ يَرْجُو اللَّهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الْآخِرَ وَذَكَرَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا
“Certainly, it is for you in (the) Messenger (of) Allah an excellent example for (one) who has hope (in) Allah and the Day the Last, and remembers Allah much.” (Surah Al-Ahzab 33:21)
Backbiting is a hard habit to break loose from. It may seem like you don’t really backbite, but even a 2-second statement about someone that’s not present can be classified as backbiting. Be aware that death can occur at any time. We don’t want to end up living a life where we read Namaz and Qur’an, and follow the teachings of Islam, yet fall into this trap of backbiting, and end up dying without seeking forgiveness from Allah. Allah says:
وَلَا تَقْفُ مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ إِنَّ السَّمْعَ وَالْبَصَرَ وَالْفُؤَادَ كُلُّ أُولَٰئِكَ كَانَ عَنْهُ مَسْئُولًا
“Do not concern yourself with things about which you have no knowledge. Verily, your hearing, sight, and heart all of them will be called to account.” (Surah Al-Isra, 17:36)
Backbiting can cause very bad effects on an individual, family, and even society. Sometimes it can lead to crime. That’s why Allah has requested His servants to avoid backbiting by giving an example that is clear enough to help us understand its effects upon mankind.
Here are a few tips to help us keep away from backbiting and all that it entails:
- Backbiting festers negativity, jealousy, and envy
- Backbiting pushes away from blessings as well
- Allah has punishment for those who backbiting
- Avoid spreading false rumours and backbiting
- Avoid places and people prone to backbiting
- A good Muslim does not dwell on backbiting
- Backbiting pushes away from Allah’s mercy
- Allah gives the motivation to stay far from it
- Better to stay quiet than to backbiting
- Avoid people who talk about others
- Backbiting is a toxic phenomenon
- Seek to make excuses for others
- Recognize that nobody is perfect
- Allah condemns the act of backbiting
- Stop backbiting the first time it happens
- Stay silent rather than adding backbiting
- Steer clear of people who are in backbiting
- Recognize that Shaytan seeks to fuel doubt
- Seek the forgiveness of the person you hurt
- One engrossed in an act displeasing to Allah
- Recognize that we are all lacking in some way
- Recognize that Allah sees and knows all things
- Try to make people realize the gravity of the sin
- Try to say something positive about the individual
- Recognize that Shaytan’s mistrust among believers
If you find yourself in a situation, no matter how vexing it may be, and you are aware that you may be about to tread on the line of backbiting, take a moment and ask yourself, how would you feel if the roles were reversed and the other person was backbiting about you? Not so good, one would imagine. Hence, this reminder not only helps one avoid gossip but also remain humble and grateful. Allah says:
لَّقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِّمَن كَانَ يَرْجُو اللَّهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الْآخِرَ وَذَكَرَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا
“Certainly, it is for you in (the) Messenger (of) Allah an excellent example for (one) who has hope (in) Allah and the Day the Last, and remembers Allah much.” (Surah Al-Ahzab 33:21)
Backbiting and slandering are shameful and disgraceful. Their perpetrator is detested and he shall not have a noble death. Allah forbids these acts, as He says in the Holy Quran: “Backbiting and gossiping are from the vilest and despicable of things, yet the most widely spread amongst mankind, such that no one is free from it except for a few people.”
Muslims are warned about the sins of the tongue:
- “If they hear gossip, they walk away” (Quran 28:55)
- “And say: ‘My Lord! Increase me in knowledge.” ( Ta-ha:114)
- “Woe to every (kind of) scandal-monger and-backbiter.” (Surah Al-Humaza, 1)
- “Indeed, those who like that immorality should be spread [or publicized] among those who have believed will have a painful punishment in this world and the Hereafter. And Allah knows and you do not know” (Quran, 24:19)
- “Why do not the believing men and women, whenever such [a rumour] is heard, think the best of one another and say, “This is an obvious falsehood”?. When you take it up with your tongues, uttering with your mouths something of which you have no knowledge, you deem it a light matter. Whereas in the sight of God it is an awful thing!” (Qur’an 24: 12-15).
- “Oh, you who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible), for suspicion in some cases is a sin. And spy not on each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? No, you would abhor it…But fear Allah. For Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful.” (Qur’an 49:11-12)
Why Backbiting?
Before knowing how to avoid it, it’s important to know why it happens, here are some common reasons for backbiting:
- Jealousy: This is the main reason why people talk about others in their absence. Jealousy means envying someone’s achievements and good. So those who are jealous of someone will automatically start to find fault and convey those faults to others.
- Annoyance: If someone has wronged us, instead of forgiving and forgetting we talk about all the ills of that particular one who has annoyed us. It feels like a kind of gratification, and we fail to see the darkness clouding our hearts.
- Amusement: Some people like to talk about the defects of someone in their absence to make others laugh. They find this very interesting because the more they talk, the more people laugh.
- Pleasure: There are people who simply find pleasure in discussing the faults of others. This is mostly done by people who have plenty of time to waste. This is way too dangerous because they don’t know what they’re talking about and the effects that their words can bring upon them.
- Egotism: People who are influenced by the egotism which means that they are excessively conceited about themselves will always find time to degrade others who are around them. They will be much satisfied to talk in their absence hoping that it would create a negative impression in people to whom they talk.
How Can We Stop?
- Fear Allah:
- Fear of Death:
- Make Excuses:
- Make Them Realise:
- Put Yourself in His or Her Shoes:
- Repel Evil With Good:
- Be Silent: We are familiar with the saying, “Silence is golden.”
- No One is Perfect:
- Be Sympathetic:
- Don’t Go: It’s not an unusual thing to hear about places that specialize in backbiting.
Backbiting (gheebah) means mentioning something about a person (in his absence), that he hates (to have mentioned), whether it is about his body, his religious characteristics, his worldly affairs, his self, his physical appearance, his character, his wealth, his child, his father, his wife, his manner of walking, and his smile. It is the same whether you mention that about him with words, through writings, or whether you point or indicate to him by gesturing with your eyes, hand or head. Allah says:
وَقُل لِّعِبَادِي يَقُولُوا الَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَنزَغُ بَيْنَهُمْ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ كَانَ لِلْإِنسَانِ عَدُوًّا مُّبِينًا
“And tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces [dissension] among them. Indeed, Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy.” (Surah Al-Isra 17:53)
Backbiting is a hard habit to break loose from. It may seem like you don’t really backbite, but even a 2-second statement about someone that’s not present can be classified as backbiting. Be aware that death can occur at any time. Islam is a religion for thinkers. We are expected to learn our deen and to research what we do not understand. Allah says:
وَلَوْلَا إِذْ سَمِعْتُمُوهُ قُلْتُم مَّا يَكُونُ لَنَا أَن نَّتَكَلَّمَ بِهَٰذَا سُبْحَانَكَ هَٰذَا بُهْتَانٌ عَظِيمٌ
.“And why, when you heard it, did you not say: ‘It is not for us to speak of this. Exalted are You, O Allah]; this is a great slander?” (Surah An-Nur 24:16)
A person cannot adequately address backbiting unless she knows the Islamic rulings that govern it. Each of us has the responsibility to learn what constitutes backbiting when it is permissible to speak about an absent person and what to do after we backbite. We don’t want to end up living a life where we read Namaz and Qur’an, and follow the teachings of Islam, yet fall into this trap of backbiting, and end up dying without seeking forgiveness from Allah. May Allah (SWT) guide us all towards the right path and protect us from the trials and punishments in this life and the next. Amen.
