In Islam, one of the major parts of the life of a person is getting married. Both males and females are encouraged to get married in Islam at the earliest. Moreover, besides the general commendation of marriage, Islam also tells its followers to build such a marital relationship where both the partners live happily and provide a better environment and grooming to their future generation. Patience means that you try and see the good in your spouse, even when you feel like there isn’t much to see at the moment. Allah says:
قُلْ يَا عِبَادِ الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا رَبَّكُمْ لِلَّذِينَ أَحْسَنُوا فِي هَٰذِهِ الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةٌ وَأَرْضُ اللَّهِ وَاسِعَةٌ إِنَّمَا يُوَفَّى الصَّابِرُونَ أَجْرَهُم بِغَيْرِ حِسَابٍ
“Say, “O My slaves [those] who believe! Consciously revere your Lord. For those who do good in this world (is) good, and the earth (of) Allah (is) spacious. Only will be paid back in full the patient ones their reward without account.” (Surah Az Zumar, 39:10)
The increasing rate of divorce in the Western world is all because no institute could provide them with guidelines on how to live in a relationship where both the partners can contribute to the happiness of each other, share sorrows and take life forward. In this regard, Muslims are truly blessed, as Allah Almighty has given instructions to Muslims on how they can have a healthy marital relationship and live according to the Islamic way of life.
Why Do Marriages Fail
Satan is the best destroyer of marriages and hates married couples the most. His best feast is when he manages to split a married couple. He causes doubts between them and makes it seem that there is no way out of a particular situation. Satan is very much aware of peoples’ weak spots, and so approaches them from these angles. Allah says:
وَأَطِيعُوا اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُ وَلَا تَنَازَعُوا فَتَفْشَلُوا وَتَذْهَبَ رِيحُكُمْ وَاصْبِرُوا إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ
“And obey Allah and His Messenger, and (do) not dispute lest you lose courage and (would) depart your strength, and be patient. Indeed, Allah (is) with the patient ones.” (Surah Al Anfal 8:46)
Appreciate and thank your husband for what he does for the family. Never make him feel that he is not doing good enough for the family or that you are not satisfied with his work or his efforts, unless, of course, he is truly lazy and not even trying to provide for the family. Allah says:
وَأَنكِحُوا الْأَيَامَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ
“And marry the single among you and the righteous among your male slaves and your female slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty. And Allah (is) All-Encompassing, All-Knowing.” (Surah An-Nur 24:32)
Treat your husband like you would treat your best friend. With our best friends, we try to be polite kind and patient. With our spouses, we often do not show these courtesies. Good marriages require patience kindness sacrifice love understanding forgiveness and hard work. Moreover, consider the reward in the hereafter for those who show patience. When you make a mistake, admit it and when your husband commits a mistake, excuse him easily and if possible, never go to sleep angry with each other.
Below are some suggestions to wives in light of Islam to maintain a happy married life:
- Manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain
- Steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity
- Take Care of Your Outward and Inward Appearance
- Study the Qur’an and Sunnah to better understand
- Realize that change doesn’t occur overnight
- Share responsibilities around the house
- Acknowledge that you have a problem
- Greet your husband with the salaam
- Be grateful for small and big things
- Engage in good conversation
- Have a sense of humour
- Listen and be supportive
- Share your problems with grace
- Be thankful and show appreciation
- Bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint
- Be content with what you have and lead an easy life
- Be polite, kind, and patient, and confess your mistakes
- If you want a better marriage, you need to be more patient
- Be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of your husband
- Be careful of your Words and maintain good relation with In-Laws
Your marriage is going to have difficult moments. Really difficult moments. Moments that need – no, demand – your patience. The opposition will take a toll on your marriage. Your adversities will look different from ours, but no matter what they are, they will try your marriage and your heart. Allah says:
الَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ
“Those who spend in [the] ease and (in) the hardship and those who restrain the anger and those who pardon [from] the people – and Allah loves the good-doers.” (Surah Al Imran, 3:134)
You may have just found out that your husband is addicted to gambling, or that your wife’s sister just died and you need to take care of her kids for six to nine months – yes, hard things happen. Super hard things. That doesn’t mean you have to give up. If you can choose to be patient in the face of great opposition, instead of giving in or giving up, then you can be sure that your marriage will win, and that it will last.
Ways to Become a More Patient Spouse this Week:
- Choose not to fight about things, but to stay calm
- Ask your spouse how you can help him or her
- Pretend you are more patient than you are
- Be open to new ways of doing things
- Don’t try and change your spouse
- Be super quick to forgive
- Don’t be in such a rush
- Don’t roll your eyes
- Don’t raise your voice
- Encourage your spouse
- Fill your life with positive things
- Pray. Seriously – pray for patience
- Speak positively about your marriage
- Apologize first – even if you feel you are in the right
- Get enough sleep, eat healthily, and exercise regularly
- Give things time. Patience often requires the test of time
Regardless of her skills or intelligence, a wife should accept her man as the head of her household give him full respect and carry out his wishes with a clear conscience. She should take into consideration the needs and abilities of her husband and attempt to make him happy, even if she has to compromise sometimes. It is because men are given an extra degree of responsibility. Allah says:
وَلِكُلٍّ جَعَلْنَا مَوَالِيَ مِمَّا تَرَكَ الْوَالِدَانِ وَالْأَقْرَبُونَ وَالَّذِينَ عَقَدَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ فَآتُوهُمْ نَصِيبَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ شَهِيدًا
“And for all We heirs of what (is) left (by) the parents and the relatives. And those who pledged your right hands – then give them their share. Indeed, Allah is over everything a Witness.” (Surah An-Nisa 4:34)
The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed, his leadership will become invalid. Allah says:
وَلَلْآخِرَةُ خَيْرٌ لَّكَ مِنَ الْأُولَىٰ
“And surely the Hereafter (is) better for you than the first.” (Surah Ad-Duhaa 93:4)
Controlling your anger can be one of the most difficult goals you aspire to achieve in life. But it is well worth the effort. You want to be among the most righteous; you want to be a true believer; you want Allah
to be on your side, so strive your utmost to control your anger and reach for patience so you will be amply rewarded. Allah says:
الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ
“Those who believed and find satisfaction their hearts in the remembrance (of) Allah. No doubt, in the remembrance of Allah find satisfaction the hearts.” (Surah Ar-Ra’d 13:28)
In summary, patience means not giving up on yourself, your spouse, or your marriage just because things are frustrating, annoying, hard, or stressful. Patience requires a bigger view, an ability to see beyond the moment, and the grit to endure with fortitude. Allah says:
وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
And those who say, “Our Lord! Grant to us from our spouses and our offspring comfort (to) our eyes, and make us for the righteous a leader.” (Surah Al-Furqan, 25-74)
Finally, in all of this talk about patience, please don’t forget to be patient with yourself. You won’t be perfect all at once. You will slip up and say something rude. You may roll your eyes. Please, be patient with yourself and keep at it. Day by day, over a lifetime, you can become more and more patient – which will lead to more and more peace and calm in your life, in your marriage, and in your home.
