Human nature desires a society based on morals and manners which provides a stable and secure life, leading to liberty and happiness for all people. Having good manners is very important for all believers. The fact is, practising good manners is not easy because it takes time. People cannot behave in a good manner drastically. Even though conducting good manner is sometimes difficult. Allah says:
قَدْ أَفْلَحَ ٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ ٱلَّذِينَ هُمْ فِي صَلاَتِهِمْ خَاشِعُونَ وَٱلَّذِينَ هُمْ عَنِ ٱللَّغْوِ مُّعْرِضُونَ
“The believers must (eventually) win through, Those who humble themselves in their prayers, Who avoid vain talk.” (Surah Al-Mu’minun 23:1-3)
Mankind is undoubtedly a social creature. There will always be time to socialise and get active in society, no matter how hard you draw a safe line. In this situation, we cannot choose who crosses our path, but conducting ourselves in a good manner helps to establish good relationships. Conducting good manners and relationships will always make your path easier to go through. Allah says:
وَعِبَادُ ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ ٱلَّذِينَ يَمْشُونَ عَلَىٰ ٱلأَرْضِ هَوْناً وَإِذَا خَاطَبَهُمُ الجَاهِلُونَ قَالُواْ سَلاَماً
“And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace.” (Surah Al-Furqan 25:63)
How easily get annoyed by even the smallest things every day. Controlling anger is, in fact, a difficult thing to achieve. Self-controlling is the only key to overcoming tantrums. Giving all the best to people, friends, family, and even strangers as part of self-control and avoiding throwing tantrums over people is a way to maintain good manners. Allah says:
لَّا يُحِبُّ اللَّهُ الْجَهْرَ بِالسُّوءِ مِنَ الْقَوْلِ إِلَّا مَن ظُلِمَ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ سَمِيعًا عَلِيمًا “
“(Does) not love Allah the public mention of [the] ev [of] [the] words except (by the one) who has been wronged. And Allah is All-Hearing, All-Knowing.” (Surah An-Nisa 4:148)
People who have done nothing harmful to you do not deserve it, and those who made you angry do not need to know your anger. Why should you exhaust yourself? Allah says:
وَقُل لِّعِبَادِي يَقُولُوا الَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ يَنزَغُ بَيْنَهُمْ إِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ كَانَ لِلْإِنسَانِ عَدُوًّا مُّبِينًا
“Say to My servants that they should (only) say those things that are best: for Satan doth sow dissensions among them: for Satan is to man an avowed enemy.” (Surah Al-Isra, 17:53)
As much as we have to be kind to others, we also have to be kind to ourselves. One way to be kind to ourselves is to fill our souls with positive thoughts and be merciful. A positive thought is contagious; it makes people around you feel the positive vibes. But when you develop negative thoughts about someone or something, people will be afraid to communicate with you and also doubt to be around you for any reason. Allah says:
وَإِذَا سَمِعُوا اللَّغْوَ أَعْرَضُوا عَنْهُ وَقَالُوا لَنَا أَعْمَالُنَا وَلَكُمْ أَعْمَالُكُمْ سَلَامٌ عَلَيْكُمْ لَا نَبْتَغِي الْجَاهِلِينَ
“And when they hear vain talk, they turn away therefrom and say: ‘To us our deeds, and to you yours; peace is to you: we seek not the ignorant.” (Surah Al-Qasas, 28:55)
Good manner is the key to modesty and humility. Modesty in Islam means purity of intention. Rasulullah also said that modesty is part of faith and faith leads to paradise. Always practising good manners will keep our lifestyle modest and humble. Also, modesty is the main characteristic of Islam. Allah says:
وَإِذَا رَأَيْتَ الَّذِينَ يَخُوضُونَ فِي آيَاتِنَا فَأَعْرِضْ عَنْهُمْ حَتَّىٰ يَخُوضُوا فِي حَدِيثٍ غَيْرِهِ وَإِمَّا يُنسِيَنَّكَ الشَّيْطَانُ فَلَا تَقْعُدْ بَعْدَ الذِّكْرَىٰ مَعَ الْقَوْمِ الظَّالِمِينَ
“When thou seest men engaged in vain discourse about Our signs, turn away from them unless they turn to a different theme. If Satan ever makes thee forget, then after recollection, sit not thou in the company of those who do wrong.” (Surah Al-An’am, 6:68)
Jealousy is a natural characteristic of human beings. Even though there is a saying that other people’s grass will always look greener than our own. This shows that jealousy is in mankind. What triggers jealousy? Conducting bad manners such as cursing, ridicule, and backbiting results in jealousy. It shows someone’s incapability, thus they backbite, ridicule, and curse others to show how great he is over others. Allah says:
وَإِذَا سَمِعُوا اللَّغْوَ أَعْرَضُوا عَنْهُ وَقَالُوا لَنَا أَعْمَالُنَا وَلَكُمْ أَعْمَالُكُمْ سَلَامٌ عَلَيْكُمْ لَا نَبْتَغِي الْجَاهِلِينَ
“And when they hear vain talk, they turn away therefrom and say: ‘To us our deeds, and to you yours; peace is to you: we seek not the ignorant.” (Surah Al-Qasas, 28:55)
We raise our voices most of the time only to regret the decision we have made. Backbiting brings damage to ourselves and also hurts other people. Not being able to speak nicely also hurts loved ones and results in a jeopardised relationship. Allah says:
يَوْمَ يَخْرُجُونَ مِنَ الْأَجْدَاثِ سِرَاعًا كَأَنَّهُمْ إِلَىٰ نُصُبٍ يُوفِضُونَ
“The day they will come out from the graves rapidly as if they were) to a goal hastening” (Surah Al-Ma`arij 70:43)
Cursing and ridiculing others are also forbidden in Islam. When we curse or ridicule someone, he/she might be better than us in many ways. Engaging in these types of actions causes doubt on your level of faith, and Allah hates people with foul language and always ridicule and curse others. Allah says:
وَكُنَّا نَخُوضُ مَعَ الْخَائِضِينَ
“(The sinners will say:) ‘But we used to talk vanities with vain talkers.” (Surah Al-Mudathir, 74:45)
Islam strongly forbids backbiting or talking about others behind their backs. Talking to others behind their backs is like eating the flesh of your friend. People with good manners should control their tongue and avoid backbiting because it is worse than a lie.
Here is the importance of good manners in Islam:
- Establishing a good relationship
- Show modesty and humility
- Being good to neighbours
- A simple form of charity
- Kindness to one’s wife
- Prevent backbiting
- Get a positive vibe
- Control Anger
- Avoid cursing
- Prevent jealousy
- Treating Servants
- Politeness in Speech
- Honouring Guest & kin’s
- Making peace among people
- Being Generous to all creatures
- Remove the obstacle from the way
The Definition of MANNERS:
- Practice, style, execution, or method in the arts
- The socially correct way of acting; etiquette
- A way of acting, bearing or behaving
- Moment of reflection
- Trigger generosity
- Promote honesty
- Increase faith
- Part of mercy
- Simple good deed
- A way in which a thing is done or happens
- A person’s outward bearing or way of behaving toward others
- A way of doing something or the way in which a thing is done or happens
- Polite or well-bred social behaviour: didn’t your mother teach you any manners?
Sometimes we feel that our way of life is too hard. Perhaps hardness in life is the result of your own behaviour. You get nothing for behaving badly. In fact, it makes other people stay away from helping you. Islam takes friendship to a higher level as we refer to each other as brother and sister and expect to treat them as such.
Following is a list of good manners that we can learn from the Glorious Quran:
Don’t lie (22:30)
Don’t exult (28:76)
Don’t insult (49:11)
Don’t waste (17:26)
Feed the poor (22:36)
Don’t backbite (49:12)
Keep your oaths (5:89)
Don’t take bribes (27:36)
Honour your treaties (9:4)
Restrain your anger (3:134)
Don’t spread gossip (24:15)
Think well of others (24:12)
Be good to guests (51:24-27)
Don’t harm believers (33:58)
Don’t be rude to parents (17:23)
Turn away from ill speech (23:3)
Don’t make fun of others (49:11)
Walk in a humble manner (25:63)
Respond to evil with good (41:34)
Don’t say what you don’t do (62:2)
Keep your trusts & promises (23:8)
Don’t insult others’ false gods (6:108)
Don’t deceive people in trade (6:152)
Don’t take items without right (3:162)
Don’t ask unnecessary questions (5:101)
Don’t be miserly nor extravagant (25:67)
Don’t call others bad names (49:11)
Don’t claim yourselves to be pure (53:32)
Speak nicely, even to the ignorant (25:63)
Don’t ask for repayment for favours (76:9)
Make room for others at gatherings (58:11)
Return a greeting in a better manner (4:86)
Don’t remind others of your favours (2:264)
Make peace between fighting groups (49:9)
Lower your voice and talk moderately (31:19)
Don’t let hatred cause you to be unjust (6:108)
Don’t ask too many favours from people (2:273)
Greet people when entering their home (24:27)
Be just, even against yourself & relatives (4:135)
Speak gently, even to leaders of disbelief (20:44)
Don’t criticise the small contributions of others (9:79)
Don’t call the Prophet how you call others (24:63)
Try to make peace between husband & wife (4:128)
Don’t call the Prophet from outside his rooms (49:4)
Oppression/corruption is worse than killing (2:217)
Preach to others in a good and wise manner (16:125)
Don’t accuse others of immorality without proof (24:4)
Consider the wives of the Prophet like your mothers (33:6)
Don’t raise your voice above that of the Prophet’s (49:2)
Don’t call someone a disbeliever without knowing (4:94)
Seek permission before entering someone’s room (24:59)
Know your enemies can become your close friends (41:34)
Islam teaches us to be generous, share our wealth, and give to the needy. Charity is not an option in Islam; it is a must. Even when we have a real need for wealth, Islam encourages us to be generous. Conducting good manners is a form of simple charity. Treating others with kindness will reward you with a good thing as well. Allah says:
الَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ
“Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men; for Allah loves those who do good.” (Surah Ali ‘Imran, 3:134)
Good manners have lots of benefits in life. It bridges differences, maintains a good relationship, and more. Conducting good manners is difficult because people do not change easily in one night. However, you can start it with a simple “thank you” or “please” to other people. Good manners are also a stepping stone closer to Allah.
