Parents want their kids to strive to get good grades, win awards and accolades for music, sports, and other activities, and be successful later in life. The characteristics of a good parent aren’t fixed or absolute. What may seem like good parenting to one person may not fit that definition for someone else. Every child is different and so is every parent, and every family has unique needs and circumstances. But most kids will benefit from parents who strive to provide care, attention, and unconditional love. Allah says:
وَأَنفِقُوا فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ وَلَا تُلْقُوا بِأَيْدِيكُمْ إِلَى التَّهْلُكَةِ وَأَحْسِنُوا إِنَّ اللَّهَ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ
“And spend in (the) way (of) Allah and (do) not throw (ourselves) [with your hands] into [the] destruction. And do good; indeed, Allah loves the good-doers.” (Surah Al-Baqara 2:195)
Parents naturally want their kids to succeed and get kids to a place where they can handle things on their own. However, it can be hard to tell how much we should help and how much we should let kids figure something out on their own. Giving your child positive attention goes a long way toward preventing behaviour problems. Good parents know that all parents can sometimes make mistakes, and they learn from them and show their kids how to take responsibility for their actions. Allah says:
قُلْ تَعَالَوْا أَتْلُ مَا حَرَّمَ رَبُّكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ ۖ أَلَّا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا ۖ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا
“Say: Come, I will recite what your Lord has made sacred to you. He commands that you do not associate anything with Him and to be good to your parents.” (Surah Al-An’am 6:151)
Parents help kids label their emotions and teach them to recognize how their feelings affect their behaviour. Parents have love in one eye and strictness in the other eye. At times, children go on the wrong path because of the provocation by parents. Therefore, bring about normality in everything. Maintain love in one eye, and strictness in the other. They make sure kids know their expectations ahead of time and they explain the reasons behind their rules.
Here are some practical ways to become a more authoritative Parent:
- Parents should be flexible enough to change as kids grow
- Parents give immediate consequences for rule violations
- Parents often spend a lot of their time with their kids
- Parents don’t make kids suffer for their mistakes
- Parents teach the child to face life courageously
- Parents should validate their child’s emotions
- Parents offer incentives to motivate children
- Parents should have clear household rules
- Parents expect their kids to be responsible
- Parents set kids up for success
- Parents welcome their children’s opinions
- Parents acknowledge their children’s feelings
- Parents check and discuss which they disagree
- Parents maintain a healthy relationship with kids
- Parents avoid Involving children in disagreements
- Parents don’t embarrass kids for making mistakes
- Parents use rewards to teach their children new skills
- parent’s style should be a good fit for the child’s needs
- Parents help kids figure out how to turn those mistakes
- Parents give immediate consequences for rule violations
Remember that taking too much care of even a child may make him crippled. A bit of resistance, and struggle, turns out to be a blessing for a child’s talent to develop. Only in the midst of adverse circumstances does a child pave a new path to reach the peaks of success. Teach the child to face life and failure courageously. Always motivate the child before facing any challenge, and never criticize for any failure. Instead, ask them about what lesson they learned or how would they do it next time.
Practices of Good Parents spend time together, and connect positively:
- Keep track of your child encountering when they are away
- Discipline is a way to ensure that you are raising a child
- Try to make up for what they do rightly direction
- Guide and support, not push and demand
- Parents got a piece of juicy gossip
- Show your kids you love them
- Aim to see your child for who they are
- Be charitable, and grateful for what they have
- Know what your child is doing and with whom
- Strengthen your connection and show your love
- Teach kids to be kind, and respectful toward others
- Teach your kids to own up to things they did wrong by apologizing
Parents listen to their concerns and allow kids to share their ideas. The daily interaction right from going to school up to after-school homework is essential. We don’t want these interactions to be battles. Start the day with loving words. The kids are our dependents. They are here for our love and warmth. If you become a friend with your children, they will improve.
How to cope with parenting differences:
- Parents face challenges when kids first enter the scene
- Parents have positive opinions on raising their children
- Parents should be united in front of their children
- Parents forgo disagreeing in front of the kids
- Parents should create rules together
- Parents Have not Unrealistic Expectations
- Parents put the child in an awkward situation
- Parents should be to nurture and raise children well
- Parents never validate their opinions in an argument
- Parents never overestimate the problems they are facing
Strictness does not mean anger, but it means to ‘blow off hot air. You have to say everything, but dramatically. It means to pull on the chain of calmness and then show anger. Parents’ role is perhaps a tricky one. The child looks for knowledge by observing the reaction to each incident. When parents develop effective parenting skills, they are able to take the initiative in filling the generation gap. Parents start to understand the balance of where to place boundaries, where to encourage, and where to discourage, then their children will not get spoiled.
You can analyze your daily situation and come up with adjustments:
- Positive words encourage kids and have happy vibrations
- Spend time encouraging him to talk about his interest
- Realize the different aspects of your child’s interest
- Appreciate every little thing they do for you
- Say without losing your calm or peace on your face
- Read out interesting stories to kids you want them to improve
- Come up with a fixed time for study and convey it with loving words
As a child, we must take time to give the news to parents. What about the parents who died? We can recite a dua for them so that this happy news can be accepted by them, Whosoever behaves gentle towards his parents, then he is a man who has noble akhlaq. A devoted child who speaks gentle words to his parents Allah will include him in Heaven.
Allah Almighty says in The Holy Quran:
- “…Do not worship except Allah, and to parents do good…” (Quran 2:83)
- “And We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents…” (Quran 29:8)
- “And dutiful to his parents, and not he was a tyrant disobedient.” (Quran 19:14)
- “Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.” (Quran 31:14)
- “Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and be kind to parents.” (An-Nisa 4:36)
Positive parenting techniques work well for raising children with discipline and good moral values and are every parent’s dream. However, it is not an easy feat, and it is important to know that the parent-child relationship is a two-way street, in other words, it is actually a partnership between a parent and their child. Allah says:
وَأَمَّا الْغُلَامُ فَكَانَ أَبَوَاهُ مُؤْمِنَيْنِ فَخَشِينَا أَن يُرْهِقَهُمَا طُغْيَانًا وَكُفْرًا
“And as for the boy his parents were believers, and we feared that he would overburden them (by) transgression and disbelief.” (Surah Al-Kahf 18:80 )
Your parents will become just like a child when they grow old no matter how you try to deny it. This is going to be the toughest trial of your life for which you need Allah’s support. The parent-child code of behaviour in Islam is unique since rules were laid down by divine command. May Allah guides us to be respectful, loving and kind to our parents so that we always stay humble and respectful regardless of the power, wealth, position and influence we may possess. Ameen!
