Praise, one of the best things that can lift even the saddest of hearts and put a smile on the face of even the most depressed. Learn to praise your wives whenever, wherever and however you can. Learn to ignore small mistakes with a smile. Be kind to them, especially if you have to advise them something or stop them from doing something you don’t like. You know you love your wife but you have to say it again and again and show your appreciation to them.
Always emulate the behaviour of the Prophet Muhammad [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم] with his wives:
لَّقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِّمَن كَانَ يَرْجُو اللَّهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الْآخِرَ وَذَكَرَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا
“You have indeed in the Messenger of Allah, a beautiful example (of conduct) for any one whose hope is in Allah and the Final Day, and who remembers Allah much.” (Surah Al-Ahzab 33:21)
The true test of a grateful attitude is when you take the initiative to make someone feel special and serve them when they need your care the most. If your wife or husband feels down or drained one day, be more thoughtful. Offer to do the chores rather than waiting to be asked. Let them take a nap, give them a message, or give them a break from children. Narrated Jabir Bin Abdullah [may Allah be pleased with him],
“The Prophet [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم] did not allow sexual intercourse before fondling (the wife).” (Abu Dawood)
Treat her with respect, especially during intimacy: Sexual gratification is the foremost reason why men get married, and they make serious mistakes right in the beginning, which cause the greatest blows to their marital relationship. Muslim men should fear Allah regarding how they handle their wives during intimacy. “…And live with them in kindness…” (Quran 4:19)
Maintain personal grooming and hygiene: Remember that doing all this is the Sunnah (way) of the Prophet Muhammad [صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم], who abhorred any kind of body odour (mouth, armpit or foot) emanating from himself. Wear the colours and clothing styles that your wife prefers, if Islam permits them.
Your wife is a consultant, not a personal valet or slave: The foremost quality which Muslim men desire in a wife, after beauty and physical attractiveness, is that she be obedient and servile and that she do their chores without being told e.g. ironing their clothes, cooking their meals, or doing the laundry.
Take care of her during her pregnancy and breastfeeding: Unmarried men usually have no idea of the tremendous physical pain that Allah has decreed for the daughters of Adam. They find this out after marriage when they witness their wife going through monthly cramps, or the rigours of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding.
Ways to shower your spouse with appreciation:
- When you go home say ‘Assalamualaikum. ‘ (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!
- When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment.
- Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED
- Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.
- AVOID ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times.
- Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps LOVE!
- Don’t be rigid.
- Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER
- YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage.
- Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue.
- Preserve your tongue!
- All of us have a shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (SWT) will put Barakat in your marriage.
- TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.
- Encourage her to keep a good relationship with her relative, her mum, and dad, etc.
- Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.
- In front of her relative praise her.
- Give each other gifts. You will love each other more.
- Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust.
- Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes.
- Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.
- Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (RA) used to get jealous.
- Be humble. If your profession is good, respect.
- Don’t put your friends above your wife.
- Help your wife at home.
- Help her respect your parents, you can’t force her to love them.
- Show your wife she is the ideal wife.
- Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.
- Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It’s not your business. The past is for Allah (SWT).
- Don’t try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something.
- Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife.
- Take the food and put it in her mouth.
- Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind.
- Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT’S A CHARITY.
- Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem.
- Avoid being harsh-hearted and moody.
- Respect her thinking. It’s a strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.
- Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within.
- Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries.
- Help her to take care of the children.
- Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her.
- Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.
- Let her know you are travelling.
- Don’t leave the house as soon as trouble brews.
- The house has privacy and secrecy.
- This secrecy stays home.
- Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together.
- Know her rights, not only written in the paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.
- Allah( SWT) said ‘live with your wives in kindness.
- When you have a dispute with your wife don’t tell everyone.
- Show your wife you care for her health.
- Don’t think you are always right.
- Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.
- Have mercy on her weakness.
- Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship
- Have a good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times.
Every day is filled with wonderful opportunities to tell the special person in your life, how grateful you are for this relationship.
Here are some simple ways to shower your husband or wife with well-deserved appreciation every day:
- Remember that your wife will age and her beauty will die
- Steer away from both extravagance and miserliness
- Maintain her privacy from your family
- Keep unnecessary jealousy in check
- Help her out in the household work
- Do not look at other women
- Respect her family
- Do not use the Qur’an and ahadith to establish your authority
- Don’t stand by mutely if your family members oppress your wife
- Praise her small gestures or good traits openly, especially before your family
- Your wife’s adherence to religious obligations and her education is your responsibility
The good Muslim husband pays his wife her dower (Mahr) in full, the morning after she has come to his home. He hands it over to her to spend as she wishes, not to her father or any other male relative. Also, he maintains a delicate balance in spending on his wife, children, parents, and other relatives. He does not cave into the unnecessary demands of any of them, and always fears Allah in ensuring that he fulfils the responsibility of adequately providing for all his family members.